Christmas Crawl 2013

The Chronicles of Crowens has officially hit 5000 views! 5047 to be exact! That's fuckin' awesome y'all. It still baffles me that y'all read this shit like ya do...but I guess someone has to provide entertainment, right? I really do feel a little bit famous, though. But fair warning, today the bossman revoked my knitting at the desk privilege, so I predict that there will be a lot of writing in my near future. Hope y'all are ready to read some shizzle!

Me and the boys had ourselves a grand ol' Christmas. It was quite the task but our "Christmas Crawl" was just as successful as the "Turkey Crawl" we pulled off on Thanksgiving. We didn't even have to time warp, and that's always a plus! We were up and at Scotty's house by 7:30 am, and the visiting continued on well into the evening! The only thing about Christmas this year that absolutely sucked...was Nestor.

(Back Story) When I worked for the farm book, it was pretty hard to have Christmas spirit. For the last few years that I was there, from Black Friday up to Christmas Eve, we had to work from daylight to dark for the farm apparel store pulling, packing and shipping thousands of packages, answering thousands of phone calls just to hear people bitch about the orders that they weren't going to get on time, and yell at us about how we had single-handedly ruined their whole damn Christmas, over and over and over and over, even though we weren't the ones responsible for the lack of inventory that we had been selling online to people nationwide. It was a pretty treacherous job to have during the holidays, let me tell ya! Anyhow, one particular year when I was all bah-humbug about it, Dani Wells drew me a picture of a Jackass wearing a Santa hat, and to the side it said "Nestor The Long-Eared Christmas Donkey"...I had never heard the story of Nestor, and when I questioned it she had me look it up. (Click here for the Story of Nestor, if you aren't familiar!) I was immediately in love with the nice little gentle-eyed donkey from the bible, and I was suddenly full of Christmas Spirit! It was sort of a Christmas Miracle! Every Christmas since then I've made it a point to stop at the Living Nativity Scene in Bethlehem and give treats to the Donkey that they have playing the role of "Nestor", just because I love him so. 

So I told ya that story to tell you this story: This year, Nestor was quite the Christmas Ass, in every sense of the word! Normally, he is super sweet. He lets me pet him and takes pictures with me, and he's pretty much the coolest donkey in the history of ever...but this year - he kept shooting us the stank eye (see picture to the right), he wouldn't come close enough for us to pet him except for when we were trying to give him apples, and even then he wasn't cool about it. He was pretty scary when taking the apples out of our hands, and when the apples were gone he was immediately back up against the wall where we couldn't reach him. Every time we tried to touch him, she shrugged us off rather smart assly. He was not the Nestor that I know and love from the bible. I don't know what happened to the other donkey, but as you can see, this donkey totally doesn't have gentle eyes! Needless to say, we left pretty disappointed that we'd encountered a devil donkey on Christmas Day. It was rather lame, if you ask me. 

We are now gearing up for New Year's and I, for one, absolutely cannot wait for 2013 to be over! It's been a year full of trials, tribulations and lessons learned...but it has put me in good standing to knock 2014 out of the park! I've got some big things in the works - I won't disclose them just yet, but I promise that everyone of you asshats who ever doubted me will be surprised. Swing batta batta, swing! :) 

I hope that each and every one of you get to ring in the New Year with your most favorite people, just like I plan to do! Bottoms up & be safe! I'll holler at y'all next year! :)

Jolly Bunch Of Assholes.

It seems as if the boys and I have the weakest immune systems in Shelby County. We just can't seem to catch a break - one of the three of us has been sick and/or injured for the last four months, and that's no bullshit! With Chris and his faulty gallbladder, and Damion with his falling off the "bouncy thing" tendencies - we really don't have room for stomach viruses and lung infections and all that shit on Booker Pike. But, welcome or not - this crap keeps right on showing up. I think we all need medical masks, daily overdoses of  Vitamin C, and pocket sized cans of Lysol. Let the record show that I most definitely threw up and threw my back out Friday morning. You see me walking crooked in the near future, don't laugh - it could've been worse. At least I didn't shit myself. :)

Speaking of that dag-blasted gallbladder, I'm not sure if I officially announced that it is GONE! I hope the doctor who removed it dropped kicked it against the wall when finally got it out, because given the chance, I would have! Anyhow, Chris recovered very well from the surgery and feels tons better - the day he came home from surgery he ate more than he had in a week and it didn't put him out of commission! It's was a very victorious day! He's such a hard ass, I wish I was as tough as him - he totally refused to let the surgery get him down and he stayed up and moving during the whole recovery. He looked a bit like Frankenstein with 9 staples in 4 different spots - but other than than he rocked right on despite missing an organ. Side note ---> if anything super flickted ever happens to me in your presence, please pass up Jewish in Shelbyville and take me straight to Norton Brownsboro...and for pete's sake don't let them staple me! I know it's weird coming from a girl with a stud in her face but something about being STAPLED gives me the damn heebeejeebee's... *shudder*. 

In my last blog I introduced our two newest creatures, and I'm sad to report that we are down to one new creature. Being as Christopher is a bully and likes to pick on everyone in the house, humans, canines, and rodents alike - he accidentally let Ratatouille out of the cage whilst trying to disturb his secret hiding place inside the cage. We tried to re-catch him but you know how little sketched out crackhead mice are - fast and crazy. *Sigh* Anyhow, Mr. Jingles has since ransacked the cage - he's moved all the bedding into the wheel and just made a mess of the place. I'm not sure if he misses Ratatouille or if he's pissed that Ratatouille escaped without him. Either way - our mouse duo is down to one. 

Now this is a tad off subject - but it is what it is. Saturday, Christopher and I met up with the Parentals at a little dive in CBG to eat and listen to a band for a bit. Fried pickles were amazing and the band was as good as they ever were. Now, my question is this: As a female, why in the world would you wear stilettos to a hole in the wall bar? I'm sure that when this particular girl left the house she looked cute. And had she went to, say...Fourth Street Live - she probably would've remained cute the entire night. But her destination for the night was Freeman's Kountry Korner Kafe...I mean really, even the spelling of the place's name is redneck as hell, it has wooden floors with cracks between the boards that pose a drunk-in-heels hazard right out of the gate, it's heated by tall ass propane heaters and has a gravel parking lot...I'm just saying - it's not that classy.  Your shit-kickin' ass cowboy boots would do ya just fine in this situation, probably do ya even better if a bar fight commenced and you needed to jump ship with a quickness. I feel like there is a time and a place for every style of shoe...and if for some reason you can't figure out which ones go where - a nice set of chuck taylor's totally have the ability to handle most situations competently and no one is going to hate you for rockin' 'em. Seriously ladies, take note. The chucks may very well save you an ankle. <--- my best advice toward saving the world today. :)

I've come to the conclusion today that I try too hard to have good hair. I took a bath last night, slept on my hair wet, got up this morning...and barely took the time to straighten out the kinks and the cow lick...otherwise I just left the shit flying. 3 times already, people have commented on how they love what I've done with my hair. Ain't that something? I sure ain't did shit! :)

Me and my Suter boys are in good standing to have a splendiferous Christmas, and we hope when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down your chimney tomorrow night that he finds the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse! ---> cool points to the first one who recognizes that quote! :) My kitchen and my living room have been taken over by Christmas trees and Christmas presents, and just like on Thanksgiving our schedule for the next few days is absolutely laughable! We've got our ugly sweaters ready, and we can't wait to see everyone, including my favorite long-eared Christmas Ass, Nestor...from the bible. :) The Owens' family tradition of "Christmas Whiskey" shall kick off the festivities tomorrow night - we will most certainly be a jolly bunch of assholes when Santa makes his way to Eminence!

Alright then, so I guess that's enough mumble jumble for you guys today! I hope that everyone has a wonderful Christmas and enjoys their time with those they love! We most certainly will! Just a few more days of 2013, and we will be well on our way into 2014 - the forecast for 2014 includes nothing but sunshine for this girl...y'all better locate those shades in advance. :)

State Of The Union Address.

Well, hello again fine folks! This is ol' jcrow here, stopping by to provide a progress report from headquarters. We've got some big stuff going on, you may want to sit down for this. :)

Thursday, Christopher and I decided to turn our kitchen into a small time bakery. We were standing there at the counter whipping up some tasty treats, and this wee little mouse ran out on to the sink and stopped and just looked at us. He was a brave little mouse, not scared of us at all. He had gotten into some water somewhere and his fur was all frazzeled and he had one little beady squinty eye - totally reminded me of Scrat on Ice Age. Anyhow, I laughed and was like, "...would you look at that little crackhead mouse?!" We stood there for a while checking him out, going on about how darn cute he was. In the short amount of time that we remained in the kitchen following his grand little crackhead entrance -  he ran back and forth from under the foreman grill to the sink to watch us several times...we were quite tickled with this brave little fella and his little mouse antics. :)

Friday, I came home from work and the little crackhead mouse was in a mason jar with some cotton balls on the kitchen table...Chris had caught him after he jumped into the sink and couldn't get back out, and made him a little temporary home. I was so excited! I've wanted to have pet mice for quite a while, and although I had previously decided that their names would be Costigan & Costello...we decided that since this little guy was all about our baking scene, he should be called Ratatouille. 

Saturday, I went Christmas shopping with Madre & Tesler and we stopped at the Feeder's Supply on Brownsboro Road. They had these kickass little rodent houses on sale, so I brought home a new home for Ratatouille. One would not think that a mouse would have so much personality, but this guy - oh he's full of it. We spent most of Saturday night sitting on the couch, watching Ratatouille jump and climb and run in the wheel. Yeah, we are just THAT cool on a Saturday. :)

We also decided Saturday night that we would bait another little baby mouse so that Ratatouille would have a roommate. It didn't take long for a chocolate covered pretzel to lure another one into the sink, and viola! We've got ourselves a Mr. Jingles. :)

Oh, Nothing.

It's been awhile since I wrote anything, I guess because things have been peaceful. No news is good news, right? That's what I heard. 

Again, I'm hanging out here at headquarters...looking around, and I'm not seeing much happening, which is a relief because last week was kinda crazy. I do take note that my pet cacti, Prick & Oww, are doing pretty good. Prick has doubled in size in the past year, Oww not so much but he hasn't been here on my desk long. But that reminds me of the day that I brought Prick to work, I sat the flower pot containing him down on the hood of Andy to dig my keys out, and it fell the hell over. I remember that I just stood there in a WTF moment because 1) the hood of my white truck was covered in the morning dew AND fresh potting soil and 2) how in the hell do you pick up a cactus?! What's even funnier is how I remember everything but I don't remember how I solved that dilemma, prolly grabbed it by the roots or something. Who knows. 

And speaking of digging my keys out, am I the only one who feels like I waste years of my life digging in my purse? Do I have purse trolls that know exactly what I'm coming in after each time and hide it from me? I wish I could find a cross body purse that was big enough for extras, but allowed some sort of organization. It seems like the little purses have all the pockets and no room, and the big ones have all the room and no pockets. And that, my friends, is total bullshit. 

Did I tell y'all that since I was Employee of the Month in February, I'm also in the running for Employee of the Year? Holy cow, right?! It's pretty cool that I am among the elite 12, but I really don't think I'm gonna hit the big time this year. There was STIFF competition, that's for sure. I haven't had my name on a ballot since my last homecoming, it's kind of nostalgic. But anyhow, I get to wear a corsage on Friday - and that's pretty cool. I feel like I'm winning either way. :)

Anyhow, I've been enjoying the peace and quiet and reading and taking pictures, and all that that stuff that I enjoy lately. I wish I had some crazy story to tell you, but then again, I'm glad I don't. 

....y'all come back now, ya'hear?

Disorders & Porn Stores & Stats...Oh My.

"I wish I had a 'friend with benefits'...

but only if the the friend owned a pharmacy and the benefit was free valium." 

\m/ (O_o) \m/

I know, I know - I'm up to like, a blog a day. But you know what? I gots me some shits to say - and after all, that was the original point to this blog, remember? Because I can't ever keep my damn mouth shut? Lol, that's right - y'all don't like it, don't read it. :)

And speaking of that, I was just looking at my stats before I started writing this. The total view count for "The Chronicles of Crowens" is now up to 4,722, and there are 36 blogs posted. If you do the math, you know - divide the one by the other for the average and all that big brain stuff - that means that 131.16 people read this shit. Now, I realize that those numbers are a tad off because 1439 people saw the one about ACB Stor....ahem, ACB Destroyers. But even taking that into consideration, leaving them out of the average - my blogs are still averaging about 93.8 views. Are you kidding me?! I mean, I'm pretty lame, but if 93.8 of you regularly read this jumble that comes out of my head - you're way lamer than I am. :) Anyhow, for real...I'll quit being a chode, I'm just playing, seriously. Thanks for the support guys. As long as y'all read, I'll write. It's therapeutic. :) -----> random side note about the Crow: I can't say the word "regularly" correctly...and that's real shit right there.

And one point on to the next, my super hilarious ridiculous lawyer called me two days ago. Said that the lawyer that ACB Destroyers has called on to represent them called and asked him for the itemized list of things that were destroyed. He said that this doesn't mean that they are cooperating by any means, just that the ball is now rolling and they realize that their stubborn silence just ain't gonna fly any further. Well, good. Shoooooooow meeeeeeeee the money! :)

For the last several days I've been perplexed. That doesn't happen very often with this big brain of mine and the overabundance of uncommon sense that I carry with me. But I need some help here guys. Someone please explain this to me: How does one person tell a million lies to a million different people, be in the presence of those million people that they've lied to a million times on a million different occasions - and manage not to fuck up and tell on themselves one single time? How is it humanly possible to keep all that bullshit straight and cover your ass that thoroughly? Is that like, a fucking disorder or something? I mean, it has to be exhausting, right? I asked Christopher this very question the other day, and his reply made sense...he said that normally the negative people that always have something to say about someone else are normally the ones that are hiding something, that they do that to keep all the eyes off them...and he's totally right. But I still don't understand how it's humanly possible...and I wanna know why it is that I have to take anti-psychotic medication to keep from knocking the hell out of people who need to be taking anti-psychotic medication? I guess proper protocol here is to just bow down to the bitch that lies better than you.

Speaking of my anti-psychotic medication, my lovely new doctor prescribed me one that doesn't make me want to eat my weight in chocolate on a day-to-day basis. Which is pretty awesome because one can't very well stay under their allotted daily Weight Watcher's points when their magnesium level is shot to hell - or so I'm told. I'm excited to weigh in tomorrow though, I feel like I've done pretty well this week.:) Today, I brought in this cool fat-girl friendly breakfast sandwich that said I should wrap it in a paper towel and cook it for a minute in the microwave and this and that. Which worked out fine, except the paper towel stuck to the damn thing. And I'm not even gonna sit here and lie to you - mostly because I don't trust my personal ability to cover my ass about it at a later date - but I totally ate some paper towel this morning. I feel like that's okay though, since I still have my appendix. That's what the appendix is for, right? For digesting dumb stuff? ----> Piss, I just googled it...looks like I may or may not have PICA. 

The other day, I got some calls at work - imagine that, phone calls at work - but these particular calls were rightly inappropriate...you know, about your everyday porn stores and vaginas. Sounded like a grown man to me and it kinda sketched me out, honestly. Christopher called me shortly after and I was telling him about it - he had me give him the number. Upon calling the number back and a little coercion, he gathered that a little boy in an alternative middle school in Bardstown had taken a little girl's phone into the bathroom and prank called me a few times. So, yesterday - the principal of the school called me and asked exactly what was said, and then a little while later the little boy's mother called me to apologize for her son's behavior. I'm here to tell you right now, that poor woman tugged at my heart strings. She cried, and apologized over an over, told me that they'd had so many problems with him and that she just didn't understand where they had gone wrong....and she just went on and on. I told her that once I knew it was just a kid calling, it wasn't that big of a deal - because really, none of you can tell me that you never pulled a "goats in my garden" or a "refrigerator is running" bit when you were a kid, and if you do tell me that - you are lying and you better remember to cover your ass about it later! Anyhow, I felt super bad that I had brought more grief to this poor woman about something as petty as a prank call! But it really got me to thinking about how so many good mothers out there end up with shit kids, and how so many good kids out there end up with shit mothers - and really, I just don't think that anything in this damn world makes any damn sense any more. But I really do hope that things get better for that poor woman and her son - jeez. 

And I guess I'll leave you with that on a rockin' Halloween Thursday. If anything groundbreaking happens, I'll be sure to report back to all you avid (lame) readers out there....(((seriously though, I'm just joking.)))

"She was a girl who knew how to be happy even when she was sad. And that's important." 

- Marilyn Monroe

Preventative Maintenance

So, y'all know how I'm always like, "oh you know, I'm just bored here at headquarters?"  Well, check this shit out...today: we've got what the IT guys call "an outage". And you know what that means? That means the lines are down. That means my email doesn't work. That means my internet doesn't work. That means my phone isn't ringing. That means I've just been spun into a level of boredom that I've never seen before. Seems like maybe I see a pattern; it was just Friday that I was spun into a level of pissed off that I've never seen before.  But that's neither here, nor there.

Today, in this Chronicle, I want to talk about what it means to be a best friend. I even googled it because one: google knows everything; and two: I like to be educated before I open my big fat mouth - which, sadly, isn't a trait that many possess. But again, that's neither here, nor there.

According to google, this is what a best friend is:

- "Best friends are very special people in your life. They are the first people you think about when you make plans. They are the first people you go to when you need someone to talk to. You will phone them up just to talk about nothing, or to talk about the most important things in your life. When you're sad they will try their hardest to cheer you up. They give the best hugs. They are the shoulder to cry on because you know that they truly care about you. In most cases, they would take a bullet for you because it would be too painful for them to watch you get hurt.  Many people, not all, go through different best friends throughout life. However, usually a person only has one real, true best friend in all their time. A best friend is not only someone that you have a good time with, they are also someone you believe you can trust your life with. A best friend is almost like real family, a best friend gives the opinions that you usually care the most about. A best friend is the one who tells things that you absolutely need to hear, regardless of whether or not you want to hear it. A best friend is the person you can be around and never get sick of. A best friend is someone you don't envy, and is the person you are most grateful for.  Your real, true best friend is your comfort zone."

I'm pretty sure that google hit the figurative nail on its figurative little head...not like the time it told me that my itchy ankle meant that I had the gout; not like the time it told me that smelling onions meant that I had a brain tumor...this time - it's right on point. A best friend is exactly what google just told me it was.

In accordance with my plight to make the world a better place, I wanted to put this definition out there for those of you who carry the title of someone's "best friend". Please read and use this to tune yourself up a bit, you know - preventative maintenance never hurts. Truth is, sometimes best friends get rusty. Sometimes best friends start to misfire. And sometimes best friends begin to knock and eventually throw a piston rod straight the fuck through the engine block...and at that point - they've become nothing but an oily mess that needs to be cleaned up and a best friend that needs to be replaced.  So, if you are indeed someone's best friend, you owe it to your counterpart to keep yourself in good running condition. Nobody wants a piece of junk as a best friend - trust me on this one.

"The world is not fair, and often fools, cowards, liars, and the selfish hide in high places." 

- Bryant H. McGill

Covert Preparation.

Two mornings in a row, I've bundled up and literally power walked from the door of my house to my car wondering why in the hell I didn't wear a scarf. 

Yesterday morning, I had to stand out in the cold bitter wind and scrape my windshield. I have much love for Randy Travis, but I do not enjoy having to dig the cover of his Greatest Hits CD out of my glove box in order to create a visual hole so that I can drive my car to work. 

At this very moment, I'm sitting here in a sweater with the heat on, looking around outside, and I don't like this situation one bit.The colors out there may be great and all that, but it's totally a fake out. Dude, this totally isn't fall.  

If it were fall, I'd be enjoying a couple months of perfect weather. If it were fall, I'd be wearing a hoodie and flip flops at the same time. If it were fall, I'd have the windows open and breeze blowing through my house. If it were fall, I wouldn't be freezing my figurative balls off right now.

So, what I wanna know is - where did my summer go? And more importantly - where exactly is my fall? I'm pretty anxious and unsettled here. Old Man Winter totally wore out his welcome and ruined most of my spring, and I'll be damned if his cold ass didn't come back early to ruin my fall. I feel as though I do not like this old man having his cold ornery ass all up in my other seasons. 

Sometimes I joke about having Seasonal Affective Disorder, but I probably shouldn't. Honestly, chances are - I totally have it. But I just can't properly diagnose myself with such disorders with a PhD from Google University. So, no - I've not been properly diagnosed with SAD; None-the-less, weather like this totally makes me...sad. And for a number of reasons. 

Let's just throw them out there in a bundle: I do not like to get out of a warm bed when it's cold. I do not like having to get up early to make sure I have time to thaw my car out. I do not like to shave my legs when I have goosebumps. I do not like having to wear sweaters and jackets because they make me feel restricted. I do not like having to wear thick socks and boots in order to keep my toes warm. I do not like having to do more loads of laundry because of wearing layers. I do not like that I can't wear my capri yoga pants. I do not like that I can't wear my potato shoes or flip flops.I do not like staying inside all the time. I do not like that I can't go swim in the creek whenever I take the notion. I do not like when all the trees die and everything turns gray. I do not like it when the latch on Charlie's driver side door freezes and won't close. I do not like driving to work in the dark, and then driving back home in the dark. I do not like them in a house. I do not like them with a mouse. I do not like them here or there. I do not like them anywhere. <--- minor adolescent moment there...don't judge me over a Dr. Seuss book on a Thursday when it's cold.

"Hibernation is a covert preparation for a more overt action."- Ralph Ellison

...I'm gonna go eat a bunch, and plug up my butthole now. I'll see y'all in the spring. :)

Duct Tape?

I'm positive that I have an idiot magnet in me. (<---please take note of that clever shit right there: positive & magnet, in the same sentence...brilliance.) 

I've decided that most people are either too lazy use their God-given brains, or that the majority of people are just born stupid. A wise man once said that you can't fix stupid, not even with duct tape... but I sure feel like I could shut some folks up with a nice fresh roll. 

So, here at headquarters - we've got a shortage of HR personnel. It's like a drought. We've seriously gone from an 8 man team down to a 2 man team in a matter of months. Needless to say, there's a lot of crap to do and not very many folks left to do it. With that being said, I've been nominated for and accepted some HR duties temporarily until the team recruits some more players. No big deal - I'm smart, I can push these papers all day long. Here's the trouble: the temporary lady that has stepped in from an outside company to be our HR's Head Honcho - isn't exactly the brightest crayon in the box. I mean, the lights are on - but I'm looking around and I'm thinking that nobody's home. Usually after about three dumb occurrences with one person I tend to apply a different attitude when interacting with them, and for the record that attitude does include a permanent look on my face that could damn near spell "WTF" all by itself. And that's where I'm at with this woman. WTF.  

The first dumb occurrence happened the day I met Honch. She had been in an office that's close to my desk working on some things. She marched out of the office over to my desk, and asked me if I would walk some papers down to Health Services for her. First thing's first, they were HER papers that SHE needed to get across the building...to me, that meant it needed to be HER little happy feet that took them there. Second thing's second, I'm chained to this desk. I have to have coverage to go pee. I've got a phone to answer and a door to watch - can't very well do either one of those things from across the building. To do that for her, I would have had to track someone down to come sit at my desk and do my job so that I could then, and only then, go do hers. uh, NERP! Anyhow, I explained this second thing business to her...and she says to me again, "Sooooo, you can't just run this down there for me?" Jesus Earl Crest. I give up. I quit life. 

After that occurrence, I was giving the temporary responsibilities and in turn, ended up having to kinda work for Honch a little. They wanted me to help schedule interviews, help with job postings, and help with getting the new hire's paperwork down to the business office. All sounded easy-peasy to me - but first I would need to be shown the proper way to do such things, and be given the resources to do them. Honch was supposed to call me that Thursday and go over the ins and outs but she never called. THEN, she needed me. And guess what? I couldn't help her. And THEN she needed me again, and...I still couldn't help her. And THEN she calls my boss. OH NO, HONCH DIDN'T?! Oh Yes, Honch did. 

Honch tells my boss that she thinks I'm too overwhelmed by the HR duties, and that she doesn't believe that I'm a good candidate to cover the things that they asked of me, because every time they'd asked for help I hadn't been available. Of course, my boss (who is the first boss I've ever had that I didn't want to push down a flight of stairs), straight went to battle for me. He told her that if was lacking in an area then it had to have been because I wasn't properly trained, because for almost two years I'd gone above and beyond and exceeded his expectations in EVERYTHING he'd EVER asked of me. BOOYAH, HONCH! Anyhow, I ended up reassuring the boss man afterwards by letting him know that she had failed to call me to go over things like she said she would, and that I had emailed her not once, not twice, but FOUR different times asking her to provide me with the resources I needed to help. Get the hell outta here, woman.

So at this point, I'm pretty frustrated with her. Hell, who am I trying to kid, if I wasn't required to be nice, she would have already been told a little something about herself. So for a few weeks, I did my HR duties. And then, after that few weeks, I get an email that says: "Oh, you aren't doing this right. You're supposed to do it this way. Put this number on it here. Change this. And do that." Meh. Merp. Ugh. Then, after that fashionably late and high quality emailed training course, I was able to start doing the things the "right" way, three weeks into it. Last week, I sent down the first batch of "right" paperwork, according to Honch's new standards. I even stated in the email that the paperwork now included the correct number in the correct spot and was done exactly the way she requested. She replies back to me, "Did you include the number?" Holy shit. Are you fuckin' kiddin' me? Someone shoot me.  And this lady makes the big bucks. Yeah, y'all chew on that shit for a while. 

And then today, a delivery guy called me because he was supposed to deliver a copier and (...wait for it...) HE  DIDN'T KNOW WHERE THE REAR OF THE BUILDING WAS. I'm being for real y'all, you can't make this shit up. So I sat there for a second or two, remembering that I'm required to be nice, but for the life of me I couldn't figure out a way to answer that question without coming across as a complete ass. Like, what do you even say that? The only thing I could come up with was, "Drive around the building and I'll have someone flag you down." There's totally no hope for humanity.

So, in the future, if you see me somewhere and I'm violently slamming my head into something, it will be because the general public finally drove me insane. And when you see this happening, please do me a solid and duct tape my ass something before I manage to hurt myself? I'd totally return the favor. :)

Life's A Garden. Dig It. :)

Y'all know what? I don't have a reason to write today! But sometimes when I don't have a reason I write the best stuff. Funny how that works, ain't it? So...it's Wednesday here at headquarters. I've got the Spotify fired up and the heat on, watching it rain and jammin' the Little Big Town playlist. (however, the playlist is named "Little Big Dog" - no one will understand this except for Brittany!) Honestly, I could rock Little Big Town's The Road To Here album all the way through, all day long and never get tired of it. Serious business. 

And speaking of Little Big Town, let us reminisce! When I was 22 and Brittany was 21, we tore out to see "Little Big Dog" perform on a Hot Country Night at 4th Street. That was such a Little Big Time! We did or normal "throw 'bows to the front" routine, and this one chick yelled at us. It was pretty hilarious. She wasn't happy when I smiled and belittled her with: "Oh no, sweetie. You're not gonna yell at US because we don't intend on stopping here. I promise that we won't be in YOUR way for long!" And then we carried on, closer and closer to the front. However, we were lucky enough to notice when the girl that yelled at us barfed everywhere and had to be carried out by her buddies shortly after. I guess all that yelling was a direct result of liquid courage. Oh, such a good time we had pointing at her and laughing. We had way too much fun the summer Brittany turned 21. :)

So, it never fails that I spend all year looking forward to my Pumpkin Party. And then the week before the Pumpkin Party I completely stress out and get all uptight and overwhelmed trying to put it all together. (not as much this year as last year, because last year we had to move the party at the last minute due to circumstances that were beyond our control - I'm not pointing any elbows at JESSICER DALE though!) But then when it all starts coming together, and I start getting RSVPs from all my favorite people, I start to get really anxious and excited -> that's where I'm at right now. I'm so exited to see everyone that I can't hardly stand it. (Special shout out to Christopher for mowing, weed-eating, cleaning up the yard and porch, doing all the dishes and all the laundry yesterday! Thank you so much gorgeous!) Anyhow, we'll see all you cool kids Saturday! And don't forget to BYOP! :)

So, one of my coworkers, who I normally refer to as my "work best friend" to avoid HIPPA troubles...came up to me a few minutes ago and said, "your hair is long" - which it's not. And after a brief pause she continued..."it's long and it's messy...it's not pretty when it's messy." - well, by God! The girl doesn't and dishonest bone in her body! And now I feel all bad about myself, and I want my mommy. Hmph, lookin' like I look on a Wednesday at work. :)

And, Jessicer Dale will love this...I just had a Wild & Wonderful Whites Of West Virginia moment. Michele went to pick us up some lunch from Wendy's and I asked her to get me a chicken sammich and coke zero, which it plainly states on their online menu that they have. Michele calls me, and guess what? They don't have coke zero - just nasty ass diet coke. I hung the phone up and was like, "Why's it on your sign if you don't have it?!". Ha! Sue Bob at her finest! :)  And then Michele gets here with my sammich and it has not one, but TWO freakin' tomatoes on it. Now, that's just a little out of line. Pretty craptastic, if you ask me. :) Geez, now I'm just being silly. 

There are far more exciting things happening right now, but I'm not going to disclose them to the general public until I know for sure that it's not gonna fall through and slap me in the face. I just hope this good karma train keeps rollin' round these parts. We're on a good run here, we need it to keep on, keepin' on. Life's a garden, dig it?

....bye y'all, bye y'all! :)

A $12 Damn Blender.

"...hit the wall smoking & spinning; still wasn't thinking 'bout nothing but winning..." 

Sometimes, I wish that I was smart and had gone to law school after I graduated. I would love nothing more than to be expected to be (and get paid for being) an asshole every single day of my life. Woe is me, here I sit at headquarters - forced to be nice! But if you know me at all, you probably know that sarcasm, cleverness and a backbone are pretty much my three favorite traits in a person...and lucky me, my lawyer is made up of all three. His name is Rob, no pun intended. 

(side note: I just totally remembered my Uncle Obie referring to his lawyers as "Doey, Cheatam & Howe"....get it? Do we cheat them and how? Ah, nevermind.)

We contacted Rob because a criminal lawyer recommended him to us, and after a small game of phone tag I was able to get him on the phone. I explained to him in detail about the whole storage building fiasco...and he was immediately like, "F*ck this guy, bring me the information". 

Last week I took him the list of my belongings that were destroyed and their value, the contract, the receipts, the pictures, and the story start to finish. Yesterday, he called me unexpectedly as I left the nail salon, so I sat in my car in the parking lot and listened to him - and ultimately laughed out loud. Did I mention this guy is awesome? 

He explained to me that we had been misinformed by the lawyer that we had contacted initially for legal advice, and that asking for 75% to account for depreciation was simply not acceptable. He said, and I quote "if you paid $12 for a damn blender, then you need to get $12 back. It doesn't matter if it was only worth $4 at the time, it was still your $12 damn blender. He needs to put you right back in the situation you were in before he screwed up"! I mean, right?! So, this guy, this awesome Rob lawyer guy, says that asking for a full reimbursement isn't ridiculous at all, and that we will be going for the full amount of damages incurred. Amen to that, brother!

He also stated that the contract wasn't anything that I had to worry about, with all of it's big bold type saying "we aren't responsible for anything" blah blah blah...they can't disclaim negligence. And this is 100% negligence, since they - you know - neglected to update their records properly. The only other thing need to win a suit is proof of damages due to their negligence. That makes the score two for the good guys, zero for the bad guys! :)

Awesome Rob mailed a "hell or high water" letter out yesterday, demanding either reimbursement or contact information for ACB's insurance company. He said, "They've got insurance, liability insurance. And if they don't they're idiots and they need to get it. This can be considered their wake up call because they are liable". So long story short - if they don't want to pay up, we will go after the insurance company. If they don't want to pay up and don't have insurance then we will, as Rob proclaimed, "take it to Conrad"! At this point in our conversation I was all pumped up and I felt like a hands in the middle "Go Team!" was warranted, but being as I was by myself in the car in a parking lot, I settled for a single fist pump.  :)

As of right now, we're playing the waiting game - the waiting is the hardest part - but at least there is a game plan that has been set into action. He gave them a deadline of 7 days to reply, and depending on how that goes it will all be over, or it will begin in Henry County Circuit Court. It can go either way, but either way - we're gonna win! 

-- "...straight ahead, never turn around, don't give up, don't back down; full throttle, wide open, you get tired but you don't show it; dig a little deeper when you think you can't dig no more, that's the only way I know..." 

No News Is Good News.

So, I'm just kicken it here at headquarters. Watching the outside door open and shut for no reason...not sure why it does that, but it happens quite a bit. Sometimes I wonder if the feral cats set it off, or maybe it's gigantic stink bugs flying past the sensor? Who knows, anyhow - that's quality entertainment 'round here on a Thursday. 

Watching the doors, however, was not my first attempt to cure this boredom. I actually went to wave3's website and attempted to read some news first. The first four stories on the list were so ridiculous that I just laughed and stopped reading. I know I shouldn't laugh at others people expense, and it's really not funny that this kind of shit happens to people...what tickles me is the fact that there are people in this world with balls big enough to do some of this shit. 

Personally, I'm a coward. Confrontation completely sketches me out. I've even been known to make Jdale call and complain to fast food worker's about MY messed up orders because I'm just that lame and afraid they'll argue with me. For the life of me, I just cannot fathom how people can just go bat shit crazy and do some of the things that end up on the news. 

The first story in the list tells me that a man has beat up his girlfriend while he was holding their baby. I have no comments about that, because really, what can you say? I bet his Mama is proud? Daddy of the year? Hmph. 

The second story tells me that a man was wandering aimlessly around the halls of the Hall of Justice, and after he was asked to leave - he flashed his genitalia to the general public. He then became uncooperative and refused to tell the police his name. When they arrested him and got him to his cell, he striped off butt ass naked. Can you imagine how uncomfortable the cops and guards were while dealing with this nude dude? That's funny to me. 

The third story tells me that a chick, high on meth of course, went up into a daycare and demanded a ride, threatening the daycare workers with an ink pen. AN INK PEN! Why can't shit like this happen to me? I'd love nothing more than to be given the opportunity to take an ink pen from someone, laugh at them, then make them feel bad about themselves. Betta get on outta here with that Bic, bitch!

The fourth story tells me that pastor committed homicide. A PASTOR. And not just one homicide, but he went above and beyond and went down for a TRIPLE homicide. Did I mention that this dude was A PASTOR? Yeah, I think I said that. But anyhow - this same PASTOR also owned one of those gold for cash places, and a pawn shop at some point in the recent past. Now, I'm no rocket scientist and sometimes I'm a tad off in the head, but that just all sounds sketchy to me! A pastor with a pawn shop, plucking people off. Geez, Louise. 

   

At this point in my life nothing surprises me, but seriously - if I didn't laugh about this crap, I'd probably cry. I mean, is this really where these people wanna be when Jesus comes back? Running around butt ass naked, yielding pens and killing people in pawn shops? The world needs to get it's shit together because.....

"We cannot make good news out of bad practice." - Edward R. Murrow 

Welcome Back Friday, You Sexy Beast!

So, it's prom night here at headquarters, and that means I'm going to leave here today with a smile on my face, a smile in my heart, and a smile in my soul. I love my job everyday, but on days like today - when the people we love and serve get to dress like superstars, and be treated like superstars (by people other than the ones that work here and treat them that way on a daily basis)...I have trouble figuring out how I ever worked anywhere else. I've learned so much about myself and evolved so much since the day I walked in these doors, that I will not only love these guys for the rest of my life - but I will be grateful for what they've done for me for the rest of my life. And today I've made an executive decision: next year, I'm gonna coerce one of the guys into choosing me as his date so I can put on a evening gown and prance about and experience the whole shebang right beside them. Okay - enough sappy, right?

We've found ourselves a new lawyer for this whole Storage Building fiasco. I took all the information to him Wednesday, so at some point soon if not already - there will be a letter going out threatening ACB with what he called "hell and high water". If they decide to be honorable humans and pay me for the damages then fine. If not, the suit will be filed and we'll do it the hard way. I've had enough of the pleasantries, it's time for Gary to man up. Since, you know - he's such a good man and all. Hmph. 

I'm also in the process of being pre-approved to buy a house. Going pretty good - my credit score is what they refer to as "excellent". Ha! Imagine that - coming from the girl who couldn't have sold her soul and received a credit card 7 years ago. I guess I owe all that excellence to Randaddy's faith in me, and his golden signature that he ever-so graciously placed under mine several times. We're excited to get the pre-approval letter in our hands so we can start our search for our perfect home, but with the government currently on a hiatus it's taking a bit longer than normal. But in due time, we're gonna be out of our tin box on Booker Pike. One step at a time right? First I busted up out of the trailerhood, now we're gonna cruise on out of the tin box on Booker Pike!

"If your dream house, is a double wide trailer sitting back in the holler on a country road - then baby, that's where we'll go." - Jake Owen

Spent the evening with my besties and my baby sister and baby Sara yesterday. It was a much needed and nice girls night - full of laughs and ignorance. Baby Sara looks just like her bubby and her daddy when she smiles. :) I believe we had way too much fun at Tesler's pregnant expense, but she's just gonna have to deal with that for a few more months. We made the executive decision that the baby's name is going to be Waylon Nicole Nugget, and we made sure that she understood that if she ever decides to drop a deuce in the parking lot at Kroger, CPS will take her baby. Between Sara's bootylicious dance moves and scrumptious crackers, Jdale's ultimatum drafts, the phone "buffing", the chicken bones in the Kroger Pharmacy drive-thru, and Kenny Chesney turned all the way up - I'd say it was one for the books. We're gonna have to get together more often, ladies. Mostly so we can laugh at Tesler's waddle. 

My poor little gorgeous boyfriend is still fighting the war with his stupid "scoli-ulcer", as he calls it. He was doing better, but then got worse again yesterday. I'm about over this damn "scoli-ulcer" that keeps making my love super sick. I feel like I may need to kick it's ulcerative ass. I absolutely hate it when he's sick, because he isn't goofy and silly and funny and he doesn't do tricks. It's my favorite when he does tricks. :) Anyhow, y'all cross your fingers that he gets better soon. He's too gorgeous to feel this bad. <3 

So, now that I've updated you on what's going on with me and mine - I'm gonna hit the cafeteria with the $2 that Jdale donated for my lunch today. Which just reminds me that some dude slammed her with the beer cave door at Five Star yesterday, and her shoe was stuck in some gross sticky crap on the floor and she almost fell. She caught her self however, and missed a perfect "oh my check" opportunity. Such a shame. Some people what a lifetime for a moment like that. :)

...stay tuned.  

Check! (Please?)

So, this day rolls around every two weeks and never fails - it's always right on time. It's payday Friday here at headquarters - that means I will not get a moment of peace all day, the interruptions will be endless, and my bladder will have to be tough. Now, don't get me wrong, I love seeing the few smiling faces and a lot of times I'm bored, so I enjoy the small talk that comes along with the some of the visits...but, woe is me, not all check seekers are pleasant. I've decided that they all fall into one of the following categories...and you can blame my excessive need to organize for my tendency to group similar people together and give them titles. :)

The Anxious
These are the people that are here before I am. The people who don't allow me the time to open all my doors and cabinets, turn my computer on and hack into the safe where the checks are safely kept before they decide that they need theirs. Now, mind you, the majority of these people work 8 hour shifts - from 7 to 3 - and they don't get to leave for lunch. So you tell me why, at 7:50 am, there is such a dire need for them to get their hands on the checks that they can't even cash? I can't figure it out. Like waiting 'til 9:00 is going cause a check to bounce. Hmph. 

The Rude
These are the people that walk up and don't say hello, how you doing, go to hell...no pleasantries. There are some that will even smack the top of my desk to get my attention without having to say hello to me. With no regard to what I'm in the middle of, or what I'm doing at the moment, they hit me with an impatient "I need my check". Okay, sunshine.Let me just get right on that for you, and by the way - Good Morning. Meh. 

The Mute
These are the people who just walk up and look at me. These are my favorite because they create the perfect opportunity for me to be an asshole. And you know me, I never let an asshole opportunity slip through my fingers...therefore I refuse to acknowledge them until they speak and a lot of times I just stare back. I mean really, people come to my desk all day, every day, for a plethora of different reasons. Don't assume that just because it's payday, I know what you want when you walk up. I mean, I'm smart - I do know. But it's rude to assume. It makes an ass out of you, and me.Literally.

The Slacker
These are the people that just flat out don't give a shit about their stubs. Every now and then there is that lucky person who is well enough off to even forget to come get their live checks for a few days. Must be nice. This means that their checks and stubs just hang out, being guarded for days, then get divided up and given to supervisors to guard for a few more days, and then given back to me finally, to stamp, postage and mail. All of which could be avoided if....they just gave a shit about their stubs. 

The Friendly
These are the few who make payday not so bad. The ones that come up and talk, ask how I'm doing, smile, offer to help, offer to wait until I finish up the task at hand. Some even offer to come back at a better time. These people are considerate and nice and understand that kindness is a language that the deaf can hear, and the blind can see. These are the people that I like seeing every two weeks. Yes...these people are my payday friends...and they keep me from calling in every other Friday.

So, now that I've judged and labeled all of my coworkers, I think I'll leave you with a quote from my front desk best friend:

"We get paid today. We get paid today. Bye y'all. Bye y'all."   :)

Here's The Good News.

After months of aggravation, battling with people, chasing money, and trying to keep it all together, it occurred to me that maybe, just maybe...I wasn't cut out to be a landlord. My little hut was a good first home for me, I loved the place when I lived there - but I didn't so much love the place after I moved out. A couple weeks ago, I made the bittersweet decision to sell the place and be done with it. It was just a big batch of stress that wasn't doing me or anyone else any good...and well, I was over it. :)

I offered to sell the place to the guy who owns the ground that it sits on, and he was interested and ultimately paid me very close to what I wanted for it. I met him Friday, signed it over, took the money and ran! The money paid off the loan on the trailer, paid off the loan on Andy Norris...and just like that - I felt like a brand new person. I'm no longer in debt to anyone, I no longer have to rely on other people to give me money before I can pay the bills that I owe, and it leaves with me with two additional loans that I've managed to pay off early. It's just...well - it's just good news. :) 

On Sunday I had lunch with Tesler Nicole, Nana, Jdale & Abby. Tesler looks great, her little 16 week belly is pooching out, and her blue eyes are just a bright as they ever were. :) She seems to being doing very well, making good decisions that are in her best interest, and is very excited about this baby. We talked about different names and such for him/her - and even started making plans for the epic baby shower that is going down in December. Jdale suggested to Nana that she needed to score us a keg of beer for the shower, and you know my Nana - she squealed and said "what?! how do I do that?!" She's a mess! Anyhow, all seems to be going good with this little sister of mine since she's been home, and that again - is just good news! :)

"Here's the good news. If I realize that I'm insane, then I'm okay with it. I'm not dangerous insane." - Charlie Sheen 

You May Say I'm A Dreamer.

I've always been one to have super crazy dreams, and I've always been blessed with a memory that retains those dreams (for the most part) so that I can share them. Early Saturday morning I had a dream that was very detailed and borderline insane. It also inspired and conflicted me a bit, but I'll tell ya about that after I tell you about the dream. :)

In my dream, I was at a cookout and there were tons of people there. I don't remember much about this part, but I do remember that there was couple there that I work with, with their little boy who I think is just flat out ADORABLE. In my dream however, he had his same cute little face - but he totally had an alien head and body. Although this is a totally freakish thing for my mind to conjure up, it worked out because in my dream he fell out of the back of a truck, landed on his alien head, and bounced right back up without a peep. Yay for the alien head! I also remember a discussion about shoes somewhere in the mix of all this...but it isn't really surprising for my mind to think about shoes.

The next thing I remember was that the food was ready and everyone had flooded into the kitchen to get a plate. Upon filling my plate, I walked out onto the deck and sat down indian style to eat my food. This is where the dream gets weird...I picked up a cheeto and bit it in half. The cheeto spontaneously caught on fire. As I dropped the flaming cheeto back onto my plate, it popped really loud and a big black duffel bag exploded out of it. (Don't you judge me!)

Still sitting there on the deck, I waited for the bag to cool off and the smoke to clear...then I opened it very carefully. Once it was opened, I realized that it was a time capsule from a guy that died in the 80s. There were two Slayer t-shirts in there, a few Slayer cds, a deputy's badge, a turn signal cover off of a Harley, a game boy & two game boy games, skull rings & necklaces...and there was other stuff but my memory didn't retain anything else. In my dream I thought it was so awesome, I kept yelling for people to come look at what all was in the bag, but no one else cared and no one would come check it out. Then I woke up. Then I got to thinking...

If I were to make a time capsule of my life at this point in time, what would I put in it? I can think of a few things right off top that would definitely have to go in there, but after those few things it gets pretty hard to decide. How does one pick material things to represent their whole life? I think that I would have a very hard time with this simple task, and honestly I'm glad that I don't have to do it. It did make me wonder though, what does it say about me that I'd have such a hard time with this? Other than the obvious constant battle between my feelings and my need to be rational...is it normal for someone to be as indecisive as I am? 

Anyhow, food for thought on a Wednesday - what would you put in your time capsule? 

...and a step even further - would you be proud of your finished product?

Anti-Negativity For President!

Tuesdays are lame, ya know it? I came in today with a super awesome cup of coffee that I squirted way too many assorted flavor shots into, and sat down at my desk to look at today's schedule on my handy dandy calendar that keeps me where I'm supposed to be....and woe is me, waaaaah waaaaah.....blank. 

I'm sure by now y'all know that a blank calendar day means I'm gonna write something for your reading pleasure...yep. And today, I'm gonna switch gears. I'm gonna tell you all about the positive things that I have going for me right now, just to keep the pace with my current anti-negativity for president campaign. 

Thursday, I sent out quite a few apologies to people that I care about for things that I may have done or haven't done when I should've. I got very warm and welcoming responses from everyone and I feel like I'm back on good terms with everyone again. That in itself took a great deal of stress and negativity off my shoulders, and very well may have been the best idea I've had this year. :) 

Friday night, a slew of us went up to the old football field in Eminence to watch Wyatt play in his first high school game. It always makes me nervous when it's his first year and he's the little guy again. His first game of peewee scared me, his first game of middle school scared me...by no means is he a "little guy" this year...but even still, I was nervous for him. Lucky for my nerves, he did super awesome! He played quite a bit, and I got to hear "sacked by #58, Wyatt Owens" over the load speaker. That's probably my most favorite thing ever, hearing those speakers call his name! Warriors won 56-20...I scored a picture with my boy and I tore outta there happy as hell.

Saturday, I slept in and then went to meet Christopher for lunch. I came home and took a nap until he got home from work, then we met up with Jdale and Hdawg and took our happy asses to the swimmin' hole. That was super time until the river monster nibbled at my leg and almost threw me into cardiac arrest. After that, we went to Coley & Ricky's house for dinner. Steaks & taters always make my belly happy. It was very nice to spend time with my Coley. I love her and I have missed her face. :) 

Sunday, I woke up and my whole house wasn't upside down...just the bedroom. I started laundry, and then mowed the yard. This time, the lawn mower didn't break and I successfully completed the whole yard! Then we went to my Nana's house for Obie's birthday dinner...and let me tell ya! We are just one big batch of crazies. I'm not sure what had us going more, Obie's description of his hemorrhoid, or Aunt Brenda's story about the headboard! And plus, there were fives cakes...and who doesn't love cake? :)

According to everyone that I've spoke too, "The Saga Of Tesla Nicole" has a new chapter that we will label "Drug Court Program". It's gonna be hard for her to handle, mind you. They require a lot out of people, but everything they require will do her nothing but good. It's another golden opportunity for her to get her life straight, and I hope like hell she takes it and runs with it this time. Fingers crossed that she gets accepted soon so she can come home. 

On a negative note, we had a sneaky creeper at the house yesterday. Not sure what their intentions were...but they definitely opened all of our doors and let my Diesel Ray out. On a positive note, someone we knew drove by and noticed that something wasn't right, so we knew almost immediately. I'm not and will never be prepared to loose my best friend, that dog has been by my side for almost 12 years. Knowing that he was as close to that busy road as he was and would have been loose for almost 8 hours by himself just honestly gives me the shits. But thankfully, everything was fine. Diesel was fine, the house was still intact, and nothing is missing that we've noticed. Gonna look at the good instead of the bad here too. 

Yesterday we stopped and helped a guy that had run out of gas on the side of the road. Picked him up, took him to get our gas can, donated $10 worth of gas, and 3/4 of a quart of oil. Poor guy had been on the side of the road for 2 hours and his phone was almost dead. Chalk up another good deed from the creatures of Booker Pike. Good karma, here we come!

A lady that I work with came up to me yesterday telling me about how she had a storage war of her own going down in Mt. Washington, then she says to me: "....but my homeowner's is going to cover it." Whoa...stop the presses! Guess who is a homeowner and has homeowner's insurance that covers personal property? This girl! So, I contacted my insurance and filed a claim. The adjuster is supposed to be calling me either today or tomorrow to let me know if my insurance covered things stored off-site, and if so for how much. What I'm hoping will happen here is that my insurance won't pay it, and will instead of go after Storage Gary's insurance because he is, after all, liable. If this works out in my favor it will take me out of the battle. And I'm tired of this battling, so again - fingers crossed for a positive outcome!

"Hey, we're gonna leave this all behind us baby - wait and see; We're headed for a better life, you and me; We're gonna break the chains that bind and finally - we'll be free; We're gonna be the ones that have it all, you and me; Just hold on tight now baby...."  - Keith Urban

My Soul Mates: Chris Suter & Jessica Dale

"There is no such thing as the perfect soul mate. If you meet someone and you think they are perfect, you better run as fast as you can in the other direction 'cause your soul mate is the person that pushes your buttons, pisses you off on a regular basis, and makes you face your shit." - Madonna

I'm currently on a mission to rid my life of negative bullshit, and I'm sure you all have caught on to that. I've been righting wrongs, doing good things, and mending relationships that need mending. I'm not doing this because I feel like I don't have enough, or that I'm not happy or satisfied with what I have...I'm doing it because I'm not a negative person, and I don't like negative things or situations that bring me down. Being on good terms with everyone that I care about is a step in the positive direction, and that's pretty convenient because that's exactly where I plan to end up. 

Now, I've always been one to joke about "soul mates"....declaring Stinky Charlie as my "vehicular soul mate"...and my Chuck Taylor's as my "feet soul mates"...and so on and so forth. Pretty much anything that is my favorite, is my soul mate in whatever category I stick it in. Following that pattern, I'm sure you can guess that when I say I've been blessed with two soul mates, Chris Suter & Jessica Dale, I mean that they are indeed my one love and my best friend. 

I feel like after a solid day of telling people that I love them and that I'm sorry for anything I may have done to cause distance between us, that I need to take the time to give a big huge shout out to the ones who have stood strong right beside me for the last year. Even when the times were tough and they didn't like me, these two never left. :)

Looking back on the last year, it's definitely been just the three of us during all the good times and bad. We give each other shit, we make fun of each other, we piss each other off, we fight, we cry, we challenge each other constantly...and one of us has even been known to bite the other two's toes but I won't point any elbows! We're pretty much a hot ass mess, but one thing is for sure - there never is a dull moment. I love these two people with all my heart, and no matter how much they argue and fight - they love each other too. To hear Chris tell it, Jdale is annoying and ridiculous - but then she gets sick and he gets her a cold rag for her head. To hear Jdale tell it, Chris is lame and sensitive - but then he gets a day off work and she can't wait to get to our house and hang out with him. There have been times when we could have just as soon shot each other than anything - like the time Chris got us stuck in wet grass and ruined our river day...or the time that I had to move shit out of my trailer and it was 110 degrees, but not matter what the situation may be - we're always there for each other. At this point it seems like if one of the three of us isn't there, something is missing and we're trying to find it. I'm extremely blessed to have these two people in my life and I don't intend on neglecting them in any way shape or form. My life wouldn't complete if I didn't have my soul mates. 

I just wanted to put it out there that I am extremely appreciative of these two people, and that I love them with all my heart. I know for a fact that these two will stand up and block bullshit off my ass in the time of need, because they've proven themselves time and time again and I consider these two to be my first string players! There will never be another combination of people that have a similar relationship to the one that the three of us share, and I'm very lucky to be a third of this trio. The only way we could be cooler would be if our names were Larry, Curly & Moe......or Simba, Pumbaa & Timon. :) (Jdale would be Pumbaa, because she farts.)

I guess that's all I have to say today, it's about time for me to make like a tree and leave work! Y'all stayed tuned, if there is anything groundbreaking I'll be sure to report! :)

Happy Weekend, folks!