..But I'm A Good Time.

Today I’m rocking yesterday’s hair, wearing jeans that don’t fit anymore and I’m thinking that it would’ve been smart to buy two Caramelly Intense Starbucks Frappuccinos instead of one this morning.  I might just sit here with my mouth open all day because it makes it takes less effort to yawn that way. A nap is in my immediate future and I don’t even care who cares, for real - the only reason I’m typing this right now is because I need to stay awake.

And I just had this conversation with one of my most favorite coworkers:

Good morning, Jessie Jess. Good morning.

Hey Girl.
What did you do last night?

Ha….uhm, I mowed the yard.
What’s wrong with your hair?

I didn’t fix it. 

Why not?

I’m tired. I didn’t sleep good.

You toss and turn?

Yep, I guess I did.

What are you drinking?

Coffee.

That’s not good for you every day, Jessie Jess.

Sums the day up nicely...except we didn’t discuss the fact that I need to poop and that’s a pretty big deal at the moment. But my most favorite coworker’s life advice never fails to be legit – she wasn’t born with a bullshitter bone located anywhere in her body, that’s what I love about her. She will straight tell you that you look like shit, and go on about her day without missing a beat of that drum.

I wonder what she would have to say about the fact that one of my shoes seems to be looser than the other one and it flops every time I take a step? She’d probably tell me that it’s dangerous and that it might cause me to fall. And I’d bet ya $5 that she’d tell me twice.

As a matter of fact, now that I think about it, the world would be a better place if more people were just like my most favorite coworker.  Not so much to create hazardous situations with vacuums every day, or to stalk people with every intention of a headlock and a forced kiss, but…like her in the sense of just straight keepin’ it real, 100% of the time..

And lord, have I just stumbled us upon a sore subject.  I’ve gotta go get coffee before I tear off on this tangent.  I feel like I’m gonna end up with the jitters before I ever manage to wake up. Stand by.

Yeah, so what is the trouble with people keepin’ it real exactly? Like, I understand the desire to impress, I really do. And I know there are a lot of judgmental people in the world that you wouldn’t want to know all your details. I know that there are circumstances where one must attempt to “sell” themself so to speak…toot their own horn. But seriously, what good does it do to pretend to be someone else when there’s no way to hide the truth? Doesn’t that require a lot of unnecessary effort? Doesn’t that just set you up to fail? And isn’t that pretty much counterproductive? A waste of time?

Seriously though, I’m a hot damn mess 96% of the time myself, especially right now - with my hair all jacked up and my pants falling off my ass, the walking jitters and a loose shoe – who am I to judge who you are? I’m full of nonsense, quirks, and lessons learned the hard way – but for whatever reason, my favorite people are the lost causes and the long shots. I have this deep need to try and save the world, and I always wear my heart on my sleeve - which normally leaves me with my feelings hurt and a damn headache…but there is no reason to bullshit me, and I don’t understand why people insist on trying.

I may be a hot mess, yes – that may be so, but people really shouldn’t underestimate me like they do. I’m smart. I’m intuitive. And I’m paranoid – mix all this together and I’m damn near a mastermind. 

• If there is a detail that’s off, I’m gonna catch it.
• If something is odd, I’m gonna pick up on it.  
• If you tell me that you are a hardworking ass man and then never go anywhere – I’m gonna figure out that you ain’t got no damn job. 
• If you say over and over and over that you are tired of crazy women and you just want to be happy but then you create more drama than a high school girl, I’m gonna figure out that you’re probably the spark that started the crazy woman fire. 
• If you talk about buying big shit and having money in the bank like it ain’t no thing and then buy food with an EBT card, I’m gonna figure out that your ass is broke. 
• If you talk all hard like you’ve got a set of balls and then get scared when someone comes at you, I’m gonna figure out that you are a punk. 

It’s not that hard, it’s the whole concept of actions and words. All I have to do is sit back, watch for a while, and take it all in. Most times I can see through bullshit almost immediately – granted I might not mention it at the time but I’m gonna make a mental note of it.

I guess my point is that I definitely respect an honest loser more than I do a dishonest poser that tries to pull the wool over my eyes. Actually, it pisses me off pretty good when someone treats me like I’m a dumbass and fills me full of lies, especially when the truth is out there and obvious...At the end of the day, there is a better chance that I’m still gonna be your friend if you don’t waste your time pretending to be something that you aren’t  - just do us both a favor and keep it real like, “yeah – I’m a broke lazy shit talkin’ ass punk, but I’m a good time…” and leave out all the rest. 

I promise that I'll return the favor.