Two & A Half Women.

I love when I end up with a Friday that doesn’t require strenuous brain activity! There will be no over-achieving for this girl today, and I ain’t even mad about it y’all! I got me some shit to say so its works out nicely! :)

After about 6 months of consideration, Duran and I have decided to combine households. It just kind of all makes sense, there’s no good sense in her trying to maintain a household that she will only see a handful of hours a week on top of being a full time nursing student, a full time employee, and an awesome mother. And there’s no sense in me having a whole half of a house that I don’t use.  So, after a little bit of rearranging and some painting, we are gonna move my girls right on into the Crow's Nest. It’s gonna be like a real life version of Two & A Half Men - except we are women. And I’m pretty excited that I get to be Charlie Sheen. (Duran isn’t so much excited about being Alan, and we may very well end up needing our own Berta!) It’s gonna help her out and help me out…and really the only real differences are that she won’t have to drive home to sleep, she won’t have to borrow and keep up with my clothes because hers will be there too, and I won’t have to investigate weird noises in the middle of the night by myself!

Now while this all makes sense, has all been worked out to our benefit and we are both pretty excited about it – it has been brought to my attention that there are some folks out there who frown upon this idea because “they’ve heard things about me that they don’t like”. So of course I am going to take the opportunity to make a couple things known to clear up some confusion.

Few random facts about the crow here: I graduated high school with honors. I worked my first real job during my senior year and kept it for 10 years, and I’ve been at my second real job for 4 years. I am very passionate about my current job and our mission, which is to serve and support adults with intellectual disabilities and I guarantee that a great deal of y’all don’t have the heart or the backbone that it takes to do what we do daily.  I've bought and paid off three vehicles on my own in my lifetime, and carried my own insurance on every vehicle I’ve had since I started driving too. I bought my first house, all by myself, with my own fantastic credit at age 29.  I work every single day, I pay all my own bills, clean my own house and mow my own damn yard.  My criminal record is a clean one less the few traffic tickets that might show their ugly faces, and I’ll be damned if I can’t piss clean as a whistle too! I don't ask nobody for nothing, and if I have to I am very quick make up for the inconvenience in any way that I possibly can.  There are tons of people in this world who absolutely love me, because when I am treated well I return the favor. I’m always the first to help people out when they need it, and I am always happy and smiling and having a good time. On the other hand, yes – I AM a bonified smart ass. No, I DON’T take shit from anyone except my mother. And YES, I do like to drink ice cold beer with my buddies when I get the chance to do so. With all that said, if you still think I am a “bad” person/influence for my best friend and her daughter to live with then I will ask you this… do you get at least 2 snapchat videos a week of Sara’s beautiful face saying she wants to see you? Oh, no? Well I do and I’ll have you know that she doesn’t just ask for me by name…she asks for “My Jess”. So, yeah – you carry right on with your judgmental shit because us three women are gonna be just fine together, and as long as we are happy then it’s really none of your concern. :)

Now that we have that out of the way – I’m sure you are all aware that I broke another damn finger this week. Just 2 weeks shy of the 10 year anniversary of breaking the one right beside it! SMDH, I’m a walking injury – I need a bubble and a helmet! Anyhow, my pretty little pitty is totally the culprit this time, no cool stories about rope swings at the swimmin’ hole, and passing out in water over my head and having one of my buddies save me from drowning…nah, none of that. You see what had happened was – I let the pups out of their kennels after work on Monday, they tore out to the yard and ran their 100 mph laps as they normally do. They came back to porch ready for their afternoon ration of kibble and were bouncing around all crazy, Loki bumped into the patio table all hard. I hollered at them to stop actin’ crazy, and Loki did. Slim, however, was still running wide open and decided not to listen. I went to smack her little ass to get her attention and as I reach down she spun around really fast, throwing her big ol’ thunder thigh into my hand, thus bending my ring finger backwards at the knuckle, and essentially breaking it the fuck off.

I always said after I broke my middle finger that it was a feeling that I’d never forget, and after 10 years I was made aware that I really hadn’t forgot. I mean, I saw it bend in a way that fingers don’t bend, but the feeling was all too familiar to me and I knew that it was broken. So after jumping and hollering, and kicking and bouncing around like a damn fool in the back yard – it went just about like it did first time. The tunnel vision set in, the dizziness and the cold sweat and all that….so before I passed slick out I sat down for a bit in the yard.  When I got my bearings straight I went directly  to my purse for 1 of 2 800 mg ibuprofen that I had hoarded for when I would need them. Thank the lord for that shit.

Tuesday morning, I took the 2^nd one and proceeded to work for an hour or so, and then I went on to Urgent Care. X-Rays confirmed that it was broken, and they gave me a shot of ibuprofen in my butt. That was a little crazy to me because I totally could’ve avoided the big ass needle and just SWALLOWED the OTC ibuprofen in my purse instead. Meh. But the bone was back where it belonged and all lined up nicely so now I just have to go see a specialist on Tuesday so they can check for tendon damage, just in case. But I think it’s okay – I haven’t had ibuprofen since the shot in the butt three days ago and it doesn’t hurt more than an occasional achy feeling, so I think that’s a good sign. (Look at me, not even asking for pain medicine with a broke ass bone – there I go being a BAD influence again. LMAO.)

Just realized when I was paying my own damn bills earlier that I only have one week until I kick off Staycation 2015! The summer is going by way too quick, but I really can’t wait for my 9 day escape from reality and responsibility. It’s always been my favorite week of the year, for damn good reason, and I guess it always will be. :) I guess I should start planning activities immediately if not sooner.

If I don’t update you next week, then it will be at least 2 weeks because I won’t be writing during Staycation. Just in case, I hope y’all have a good time celebrating your independence with all those fancy boom sticks, good grilled food and ice cold beers. I shall report back in due time, fuckers!