((...refusing to give a fuck isn't just easy, it's kind of awesome...))

It's funny how sometimes I can look for days and find no motivation whatsoever to write, and then sometimes - I can literally trip and fall into something that makes my brain start to work. Well, don't look now...but my wheels are spinning. Shhh... :)

3 days into the new year, I have stumbled upon an article in my news feed called "14 Fucks I Refuse To Give In 2014"...now, isn't that quite the spin on things?! Just the title alone made me cock my head up sideways and raise an eyebrow. Instead of thinking of a dozen lame things that she should start doing to better herself in 2014, the writer thought of a dozen things that she could stop "giving a fuck about" in order to better herself in 2014. I was like, seriously...the girl is at least half genius. Just take a moment to think of all the petty shit we find ourselves tied up in all the time, and then think of how nice it would be to NOT have to deal with any of that petty shit again this year? Are y'all picking up what I'm putting down, here?

Anyhow, I read this article...Most of the things that she's decided to NOT do this year were things that I could totally get used to not doing myself. I'm tellin' ya...the girl is my kind of girl! I don't know that I can come up with 14 things of my own right off the top of my head on such short notice but this is definitely something I am going to put some thought into, in order to make this year better than the last. 

So, not to look as if I've done stoled this half genius girl's story - I'm going to copy and paste the things that she doesn't plan on giving a fuck about this year, that may very well apply to ol' Jcrow here as well. 

Becoming a Morning Person 

I’ve always hated mornings. I hate getting out of bed, hate getting out of the shower, hate finishing my coffee. I pretty much just hate everything and everyone who crosses my path prior to 10 am. I’ve tried to ‘fix’ this issue multiple times, trying to schedule in an hour of exercise or writing prior to embarking on my day. Fuck that. The only thing worse that getting out of bed in the morning is getting out of bed to torture yourself on a treadmill or stare at a screen. So keep all your “10 Things Successful People Do Before 5 am” motivational posts to yourself come 2014. I’ll be successfully asleep.

- the only thing I would add would be that I plan on going to bed early too. I love my sleep, and I require a lot of it. It's genetic, I can't help it...Amen, ol' girl. 

Fitting In

I suck at social situations. I’m awkward, withdrawn, quiet and quick to drop a sarcastic remark. I also sport a handful of tattoos, have an award-winning bitchy resting face, and have been told I give off a not-so-subtle fuck off vibe whenever I walk into a room. By no means am I trying to be standoffish, this is just who I am. So when it comes to fitting in at conferences, networking events, house parties, the supermarket — you know, anywhere there are other people — I tend to struggle. For years I’ve tried to fix this; forced myself to be more outgoing, more present, less me. It’s exhausting and annoying. So fuck fitting in. Despite my icy demeanor and lack of seemingly standard social skills, I’ve managed to surround myself with an accepting, loyal group of friends; people that understand my oddities and love me for them. Bitchy resting face and all.

- I can't think of a single word more to add to that one! If I had a beer and she had a beer, I'd request a slap of the cans!

Quitting Vices

 Why are New Year’s resolutions always about ending bad habits? Personally, I quite enjoy my vices. Beer = delicious. Pie for breakfast? Completely acceptable. Hoarding all of the blankets on the coldest night of the year? Not my fault you were too slow to steal them first. Everything in moderation, right? My bad habits have shaped me as much as my good ones. But at the end of the day, they aren’t really hurting anyone. I drink socially and with restraint, pie only finds its way into my fridge two or three times a year, and my boyfriend is more than welcome to yank the covers back over to his side… provided he’s ready to accept the consequences.

- y'all thought when I said half genius that I was playin', didn't ya?!

Swearing

My ex used to hate it when I would swear. And I get that — believe it or not, I’m not a huge fan of constant vulgarities either. That being said, some situations simply call for foul language. Come on, no one is going to stick to a Screw It list or an Eff It list. What’s more, studies have shown that people who swear are actually more trustworthy and honest. Which, by my count, means I’m kind of exceptional. Fuck it? Don’t mind if I do…

- this reminds me of story I heard about cute little Shaney the other day. Sometimes in life, you just gotta be able to get your point across effectively - and if that means dropping the

 f-bomb, then so be it! We're not babies!

Guilt 

Earlier this year I was told that guilt is the fear of future punishment. That we feel bad for past transgressions not just because we regret them, but because we’re worried that we’ll make the same mistakes again. I’m not entirely sure of the legitimacy of this statement, but it certainly resonated with me. I regret a lot in my life; I’ve made some foolish mistakes and have hurt a lot of people, not to mention myself. But it’s the fear of making these same mistakes again that weighs on me the most. And yet, the mistakes I made in the past were the result of dozens of different variables  -  age, health, circumstance  - repeating them is pretty much impossible. So why bother dwelling on it? Fuck the guilt; I can’t undo the past, but I can certainly look forward to the future.

- preaching to the choir, girlfriend! 

Lying to Myself 

We all lie to ourselves. Some of these lies are inconsequential. Others send us down a slippery slope of denial straight onto a soft cushion of false security. I’ve lied to myself a lot over the last year. I’ve told myself things are fine when they’re falling apart, convinced myself that a bad decision was a blessing in disguise. Thing is, it’s easy to tell the lie. Believing it is a whole other story. So fuck the fabrications and flimsy fronts. How can you possibly trust someone else when you can’t even trust yourself?

- I hope y'all are taking what I am taking from this. 

Growing Up

And give up my love of dinosaurs and LEGO? Fuck that.

- and gummy bears?! right on! 

Saving Relationships

Romantic, platonic, familial  -  I’ve spent a great deal of time trying to nurture destructive relationships. Compromising in order to avoid confrontation, pretending problems weren’t as pronounced as they were. The fastest way to lose yourself? Focus all of your energy on something or someone that was never really there. Eventually you’ll wake up alone. Worse, you’ll wake up a stranger.

- if your presence doesn't add value to my life, then your absence will make no difference! 

Forgetting Failures

I failed at being a wife. A lot of the time, I fail at being a daughter. I’m not a very good sister, and  I have a pretty good feeling the odds will be against me if I ever decide to become a mother.  I’ve failed at business, failed to relax while on vacation. I’ve failed to let insecurities go, failed to speak up when I had the chance. Fuck, I’ve failed myself more times than I’d care to admit. I’ve forgiven a lot of them. But forgetting them is useless. I made those mistakes for a reason. The least I can do is learn from them.

- I'm thinking I really need to have a cold beer with this girl, she speaks to my soul! I really hope that something here reached out and touched you a little. 

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Happy New Year, Y'all!

...may you give as few fucks as me and the half genius girl in 2014...