Chaos.

Normal people come back from a vacation feeling refreshed because they have had a break from reality, time to relax & unwind, recharge their batteries, time away from all the hustle and bustle of daily living.

But I'm not normal. I come back to work after vacation relieved that it is over because about halfway through it, it never fails...the lack of structure and routine sends my anxiety into a hyper-driven tailspin. 

I know this is going to happen every single summer yet, I still look forward to my week off in the beginning of July every single summer! It's frikken odd, man. 

Yesterday, thank heaven, was a routine Sunday for me. Lounging around, snacking, taking naps, finishing up shit around the house, prepping for the work week, and watching crazy shit on Hulu. For the last couple of days, I've been watching this show about EMTs, firefighters, and cops that work during the night hours in big cities. 

In one of the episodes last night, there were two female EMTs driving back from a call, and they started discussing their craziest/favorite runs to date. One of them said, "I got called out to a graveyard once, bunch of teenagers had eaten a bunch of acid and one of them freaked out. Which makes sense, I would have freaked out too. Can you imagine? Headstones and monuments and statues probably started moving around...I don't know why a person would willingly cause that much chaos for themselves." and there it was. 

Every single summer, in the beginning of July...I willingly cause chaos for myself.

But, why? Maybe it's so I don't forget that I need the structure and routine to stay sane? Or maybe I just like to watch shit get outta control so I have the challenge of whipping it all back into shape? Or maybe....I allow the chaos because it forces me to then find peace to level it all back out?

I have no idea. But what I do know is all I've been able to think about today are things that will bring life back to the peaceful side. Writing has always been a favorite of mine, so here this is. Being creative and making things pretty is another thing I love, so I've ordered craft supplies to start a project and I've decided to paint my doors if I can manage to decide on a color I like. I've always been a bookworm-dorkface so I've started making a list of books that people have suggested that I read recently. 

I've suddenly got a strange urge to see new places, do new things, eats food I've never tried, drink a damn smoothie, ride a bike, take a hike...I mean, some real strange shit has peaked my interest today. So I guess though it all happened ass backwards, the vacation has done what I needed it to do....again.

And I also think that the IT guy here at work was right this morning, when I tried to explain this nonsense on the smoke deck and he simply said "Well, you managed a good tan, but I think you need therapy." I can't even dispute that shit, for real. 

Anyhow, I'm glad to be back on the productive and functioning side of the fence today - and I'm glad it never takes longer than a week to show me that it's right where I belong. 

So long, #staycation2020. It's been real, but now I've got shit to do. ♥

...these damn chucks.

Did I ever tell y’all that I absolutely love the Facebook “Memories” feature? 

Well, if not...consider yourself told.

For the last 10 years, Facebook has asked me one simple question daily, “What’s on your mind, Jessica?” and for the most part, I’ve answered that question daily - most days more than once. It’s almost like Facebook prompted me to unknowingly write the story of my life, one post at a time, one day at a time....and because of that, I now have a solid decade worth of my thoughts recorded and available to reference at any given time. Y’all can hate on social media if you want, but I personally think that is pretty fuckin’ gnarly.

I mean, can you imagine all the moments and times and laughs that would never cross your mind again, if that shit didn’t pop up in a notification each day, like “You have memories....”?

You damn right, I have memories! Show me! 

Anyway, I told y’all that shit to tell you this...Facebook “Memories” just reminded me that it was 7 years ago today when I scored my hot pink Chuck Taylors. The post I made about them in 2011 was simple and to the point, but because it showed up today - the story behind the hot pink chucks, and the events of that time period, resurfaced in my mind also.  

“Yeah, I’ve got hot pink chucks. My BFF is cooler than yours.”

From that post, I recalled first and foremost what a fuckin’ shit show 2011 was. August was horrible. September was a blur. October was when I finally started to get my shit back together after having my life turned all the way upside down.

Next, I thought about all the kick ass people who came into my life during that time and made it as awesome as an all the way upside down life could have possibly been. Some of my absolute best friends were made during one of the absolute worst times of my life...it’s funny how that happens, ain’t it?

And from there, I remembered that there had been a wedding a couple of weeks before the post was made, and all the wedding colors were neon. All the dudes in the wedding party wore neon colored chucks to match their vests, and the chick’s dress that they walked out with. I remember thinking that it was coolest wedding shit I’d ever seen.

One of the kick ass people that had walked into my all the way upside down life was in that wedding party, so I saw the pictures as soon as he was tagged in them on Facebook. And, wouldn’t you know it, he was the lucky dude who landed the hot pink.

Then I remembered the GREAT BIG stink I made about his hot pink chucks, and how less than a week later, he went and bought me my own pair...and a BFF broken heart necklace, which was totally random. And I also recalled that he lied to me about it - actually told me that he got me a tub of Legos. And I’ll admit, I was pretty fuckin’ stoked about the Legos until I realized that the actual gift was tons cooler.

From there my mind wandered to a week or so after the post was made, when we wore our matching hot pink chucks and our BFF broken heart necklaces to Shrader Bash, which was held in Trimble County that year, and that was the first time I ever rapped Lodi Dodi in its entirety in front of a crowd - with Joey Clark and his acoustic guitar backing me.

...and from that memory, I cracked the hell up because the next thing that popped in my head was Coley laying flat on her back, after tripping and falling backwards over some firewood, screaming at an off duty cop who was in attendance to stop laughing at her and help her up.

All of those memories came from that one simple post. It’s hard to believe that it’s been 7 years.

That same post also made me realize that if my hot pink chucks are 7 years old, that means my faded ass black chucks (that are currently on my feet) are now 12 years old. TWELVE!! I mean - what the fuck? If these fuckers could talk I’d have to set them on fire, son.

I mean, they started out black, and are now a sun-bleached version of gray that no one else has. I had to hose a bunch of mud off them a couple years ago and left them on the porch to dry, then they got rained for several days, then suddenly one day the sun came back out -  and they became my new custom chucks.   

  

I can’t tell you how many different colored shoe strings they’ve been laced with.

There are several of the little metal eyelet things missing now.

They’ve seen David Allan Coe live with me, 6 out of 8 times.

They’ve been to hell and back with me, literally. 

And we've hiked by Lake Erie.

  

Countless parties. 
Countless adventures. 
Countless misadventures.

But to this day - they still make me feel like I can charm the world!

And they give me superpowers. (<--- I made that part up.)

But really, who has shoes that are 12 years old?! 

I really thought I was the only one who got all super sentimental about shit like this until I heard this song for the first time last year. Now that I know it’s not a disorder I don’t mind telling y'all about it . And plus, I had nothing better to do today and this is a really good song - so if you take nothing else from this....you should at least take a listen. :) 

Anyhow, I’ve definitely been rockin’ the chucks since before rockin’ the chucks was cool, y’all. 

And today facebook was gracious enough to remind me. <3