Chaos.

Normal people come back from a vacation feeling refreshed because they have had a break from reality, time to relax & unwind, recharge their batteries, time away from all the hustle and bustle of daily living.

But I'm not normal. I come back to work after vacation relieved that it is over because about halfway through it, it never fails...the lack of structure and routine sends my anxiety into a hyper-driven tailspin. 

I know this is going to happen every single summer yet, I still look forward to my week off in the beginning of July every single summer! It's frikken odd, man. 

Yesterday, thank heaven, was a routine Sunday for me. Lounging around, snacking, taking naps, finishing up shit around the house, prepping for the work week, and watching crazy shit on Hulu. For the last couple of days, I've been watching this show about EMTs, firefighters, and cops that work during the night hours in big cities. 

In one of the episodes last night, there were two female EMTs driving back from a call, and they started discussing their craziest/favorite runs to date. One of them said, "I got called out to a graveyard once, bunch of teenagers had eaten a bunch of acid and one of them freaked out. Which makes sense, I would have freaked out too. Can you imagine? Headstones and monuments and statues probably started moving around...I don't know why a person would willingly cause that much chaos for themselves." and there it was. 

Every single summer, in the beginning of July...I willingly cause chaos for myself.

But, why? Maybe it's so I don't forget that I need the structure and routine to stay sane? Or maybe I just like to watch shit get outta control so I have the challenge of whipping it all back into shape? Or maybe....I allow the chaos because it forces me to then find peace to level it all back out?

I have no idea. But what I do know is all I've been able to think about today are things that will bring life back to the peaceful side. Writing has always been a favorite of mine, so here this is. Being creative and making things pretty is another thing I love, so I've ordered craft supplies to start a project and I've decided to paint my doors if I can manage to decide on a color I like. I've always been a bookworm-dorkface so I've started making a list of books that people have suggested that I read recently. 

I've suddenly got a strange urge to see new places, do new things, eats food I've never tried, drink a damn smoothie, ride a bike, take a hike...I mean, some real strange shit has peaked my interest today. So I guess though it all happened ass backwards, the vacation has done what I needed it to do....again.

And I also think that the IT guy here at work was right this morning, when I tried to explain this nonsense on the smoke deck and he simply said "Well, you managed a good tan, but I think you need therapy." I can't even dispute that shit, for real. 

Anyhow, I'm glad to be back on the productive and functioning side of the fence today - and I'm glad it never takes longer than a week to show me that it's right where I belong. 

So long, #staycation2020. It's been real, but now I've got shit to do. ♥