Don't look now, but it seems as if the Crow has managed to end up with nothing to do on a Friday....and that's pretty damn convenient because the Crow doesn't feel much like over-achieving today. It's a hard life out here for a smart kid with tuberculosis. Cough, cough, hack. But despite the fact that my lungs are currently well on their way to crapping out and killing me, I'm feeling pretty good about today. I don't have much to report...or maybe I have far too much to report and just don't feel like it? Either way - I can't promise that this blog will have a point. So be it.
I realize that its been a super long time since I wrote anything, you know how it goes - I go through dry spells. But damn - life has sure has jumped, flipped, landed on it's face, and picked itself back up again since the last time I reported anything groundbreaking. A wise old man once told me that I "bounce back quicker than most things made of flesh and bone", and by God, he's right. If life has ever taught me anything - it's that it always goes on. Ain't no sense in crying over spilled beer, right? Anyhow, I took a stand and made some changes and wouldn't you know it, I found me again....I was right where I left me too. :)
I realize that its been a super long time since I wrote anything, you know how it goes - I go through dry spells. But damn - life has sure has jumped, flipped, landed on it's face, and picked itself back up again since the last time I reported anything groundbreaking. A wise old man once told me that I "bounce back quicker than most things made of flesh and bone", and by God, he's right. If life has ever taught me anything - it's that it always goes on. Ain't no sense in crying over spilled beer, right? Anyhow, I took a stand and made some changes and wouldn't you know it, I found me again....I was right where I left me too. :)
"If making you happy costs me my happiness, then I can't afford you."
I work with a woman that is nothing short of terrifying and she is absolutely my real life hero. When I grow up, I wanna be able to make people stand up straight just by walking past them...just like she does. :) Anyhow - shit got real here at headquarters yesterday and she had escort a couple people out...such a fearless leader she is! Long story short, my boss called her Rocky this morning...and she said "No, I wanna be the Patrick Swayze of Cedar Lake. Call me Dalton." And I swear to Jesus, I love her even more because of that statement. I love Roadhouse! I wonder if it's on Netflix? :)
"All you have to do is follow three simple rules. One, never underestimate your opponent. Expect the unexpected. Two, take it outside. Never start anything inside the bar unless it's absolutely necessary. And three, be nice." - James Dalton
So, in the midst of all the above mentioned life changes & face plants - I have encountered and attached myself to the hip of an awesome soul who built me the best looking bar in the county out of random crap that had been hoarded at my castle. Its even strong enough to dance on. :) I'm pretty excited to get The Crow Bar up and running so my favorite cool kids can come and kick it with me. The Smith Bar totally inspired me, and it will take me quite a while to catch up to their awesomeness... but thanks to The Chad, we're off to a damn good start. Got some bar furniture being delivered this weekend...y'all stay tuned for the grand opening! "The beer is free, just bring your own!" My gosh, we may need to have shirts made.
So, I experienced a first today. You'd think that at 31 damn years old, I'd be all out of firsts....but nooooooooo! Out of all the many years I have spent posting crazy shit on Facebook, today I was reported for an "offensive" image. I feel like 90% of my Facebook time consists of me trying to read between tit & ass shots...and today I get reported over a cartoon that included the word "vag"! Like, really? VAG is short for VAGINA and that's the proper word for the lady part! It's the proper fucking word, y'all! And it's offensive?! I feel like I need to start a campaign, "Anti-Sensitivity For President!" Because seriously, how does one exist in this cruel world on a daily basis if they can't read the word VAG without trippen?! It must be a tough, scary and boring life for them. I feel like I need to type VAG a whole bunch of times at the end of this blog just to retaliate. I've had enough sensitive already, sheesh.
I'm sure you all have read about and remember that I do not have a good relationship with the lunch ladies here at headquarters. I don't even believe that we should call them ladies! It never fails that every time I go in the damn dining room, I get hit with some shitty ass remarks...hell, even yesterday when I was on my tuberculosis death bed I got yelled at over soup that sucked! Cough, Cough, Hack! But just to shed some light on what we're dealing with here, below is a conversation that I overheard today while standing in the lunch line. It seems I'm not alone in my battle against the trolls after all....
Nice Lady: I'll have a pork chop and cabbage, please.
Lunch Lady: You want it all?
Nice Lady: No, just a pork chop and cabbage.
Lunch Lady: Do you want Lima Beans or Corn Bread?
Nice Lady: No, just a pork chop and cabbage.
Lunch Lady: Why?! Are you on a diet or something?!
That rude shit is just unnecessary! Just give her what she asked for, you evil woman!
That rude shit is just unnecessary! Just give her what she asked for, you evil woman!
But anyhow, enough of my shenanigans for the day. I've gotta close up shop a little early because I get to be a judge at our 3rd Annual Chili Cookoff in a half hour or so. Oh, the perks of working for a non-profit organization - we totally get to have fun. :)
"VAG VAG VAG VAG VAG VAG VAG VAG VAG VAG VAG VAG VAG!"
^^ The Crow's Revenge ^^
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