My Fall From Grace.

"Well, my fall from grace was a sight to see. Good turned to bad, and bad turned to misery. I found out what it is and what it's not, and all I asked for sure ain't what I got." - Blackberry Smoke

I'm not one who is normally bummed out, and if I get that way I usually don't stay that way for long. It seems recently though, I've been hit with an abundance of shit, and it's been weighing on my mind a lot more than it used to. I'm having a hard time letting shit roll off my back. And on top of that, somehow I've gotten myself into this mindset of "less is more"...thinking that the less of other people's crap I had to deal with the better off I'd be. However what I didn't take into account was that also meant when I was in need of someone to deal with my crap - there wouldn't be a huge support system there for me to fall back on. 

I can't quite put my finger on where I came up with this grand idea, or maybe I can - but that's not the point. The point is, I've never in my life looked at someone and said, "Dang, I sure don't have many friends." I mean hell, I'm the ultimate party planner...I've always been able to throw some shit together and pack a house. But today, I probably couldn't even pack a shed if I had one. What's sad is that it took finding myself in a real life mess that was better than fiction to realize that, you know what? I was wrong. Less is not more, more is more. Taken from a recently made wave: you can never have enough people that care about you. 

"It's gonna be important that you have your star player in line. Then you gonna have to make sure that you got your team set up, and some of us been forgetting to set up our team. You gonna need people that you know for a fact will jump in a block bullshit off your ass in a time of crisis. You gonna need that." - Katt Williams

And now that I've realized that I've alienated myself from everyone for no good damn reason, I've decided that I have to do what I have to do to fix that. Last night, while I was laying awake thinking about all this, and trying to figure out how in the world to go about fixing all that I've broken, I grabbed my phone to see what time it was...it was 3:00 am, and I had a text message from my "swister" telling me that she saw something that reminded her of me, and that even though we don't see each other often, she wanted me to know that I was still in her heart. She even signed it with x's & o's. That text message alone was all the motivation I needed...I read it and thought about how rarely I see her, then I thought about how dearly I love her, then I thought about how I need to get up off my ass and fix not only my relationship with her, but all the relationships that I've neglected. 

With all that being said, many of you are about to get a personal written apology for anything I may or may not have done that has caused us to either grow apart or stop talking. Whether or not these apologies make a difference to you or not is up to you, of course....but after they are sent I'll at least know that I tried and that I've made it known that I am working on getting my star player in line....and that I'm willing to play on your teams again. 

"A friend is one that knows you as you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you have become, and still, gently allows you grow." - William Shakespeare