Man, I've Come A Long Way...

...I felt like wrapping up 2012 in a list of highlights and memorable times would be pretty darn neat...so I did it. :)

In January:

• I learned that "abominable-snowman-bigfeet-hillbilly-beasts" won't chase you through a corn field because the stalks hurt their feet...so in case of an bigfeet emergency, the corn field is the best escape route. Handy little bit of information to have.
• I lost my motivation and was too lazy to offer a reward for it's safe return.
• Received my very first Dear John letter, my favorite bar burned down, I fell off the wagon - all in a week. 
• I realized that sometimes, the bad decisions are the ones that are the most fun.
• Favorite Quote: "baby, you look good in those crotch-less overalls...scrumptious like a sausage biscuit..."  - B Shrader & RFR

In February:

• I turned 28 and it was great - realized that I share a birthday with Johnny Cash!
• I carried right on with my White Trash Wednesday tradition, in spite of the newly created "No Her Wednesday" that didn't include me...because I was her.  
• I rescued Fig from a bullshit DUI in Carrollton, made him buy me and Tesler food and shower...then we had a big time at the Farm Machinery Show!
• I discovered Swamp People! Choot 'em! He keeps rollin'! Tell him to stop!
• I rocked two job interviews...and then didn't get the job.
• Favorite Quote: "Talking two random guys in a Dodge into a burnout outside of Broadbent arena was priceless. Getting hit in the face by gravel while standing behind the truck throwing up the metal horns was a little unsettling." - Me

In March:

• I decided to blame it all on Waylon, no matter what.
• I learned that if there is a song playing that me and Jdale don't like, singing "Pumped Up Kicks" to ourselves would keep us dancing right along.
• "Bob Chinigans."  Enough Said.
• I passed the Mini Bus training - did not slam into anything! I then decided that I was ready for a truck.
• I learned that you can't trust anyone with Ice Blue eyes...it's on the poster in the doctor's office...one of those things I should have learned in Kindergarten.
• I learned that you can't go into the liquor store without shoes on...but you can sure go through the drive thru without them.
• I almost lost my baby sister in a head on collision. I stood on scene while she was cut out of her car, cut out of her clothes and flown away in a helicopter...and I was completely traumatized.
• I realized that if a best friend doesn't have time to call and check on your baby sister after she almost dies in a head on collision, she isn't a friend worth having.

In April:

• I started working first shift again! I gave up my weekends for evenings and actually began to live like a human being instead of a vampire!
• Guess what? Duran is pregnant!
• I saw a monkey barf at the Louisville Zoo, and then eat it! Fantastic!
• I learned that even if you stumble, it's forward progress.
• I learned to adapt & overcome.
• Favorite Quote: "well hello there, April Fool's day....I guess the joke's on me this year?...ha! watch me wake up with a smile and a purpose. i'll straight take a shit in today's face and we'll see who has the laugh..." - Me

In May:

• I learned that no matter what, tomorrow starts free of mistakes.
• Diesel Ray celebrated his 10th year of being my best friend! The best thing decision I ever made was the day I decided to be him's person!
• I took a mini-vacation to Hell, Michigan with Mandango Chadwell! Got whiskey bent & hell bound, ate a Beef & Cheddar from the corner of Sharts & Central, realized that its hard to find hell - even for people like me and Casey. Drove back across Michigan to Lake Erie, and I swear I saw Canada.
• I became friends with Chris Suter on Facebook!
• I realized that the best way to watch a sun rise is thru high-definition aviators.

In June:

• I learned that face value has no worth. Just because they say it, don't make it true.
• I fell in love with Stinky Andy and bought him. Vehicular soul mate.
• I interviewed for another job at the Lodge...and snagged it!
• I went frog giggin' with Christopher. Had a big time...except for the slimy sack and the bigfoot scare.
• I decided for a brief moment that joining up with the Ren Faire and living free was my life's calling.
• I became half of a brush-hauling helluva-duo with Duran. Only lost the payload once!
• Christopher decided that he had sweet nothings that he needed to whisper in my ear, and wouldn't leave me alone about it. 
• Favorite Quote: "She opens her heart to an old memory - she closes her eyes and she smiles." - Blackhawk

In July:

• They told us we couldn't go back there...but we did.
• Stay-Cation 2012 kicked off with a cooler completely loaded down with blue mountains. I'm talking double layered, plum full -  and we drank them all at some truck races.
• I had every single one of my favorites together for the 4th. Every single last one of them. Between the barn doors. :)
• Taylorsville. Back this bitch out into the water, untie all the cable & rope.
• River Tuesdays come into our lives. We welcomed them with open arms, and open beers.
• I took my first trip up the mountain to the corn field, to see the stars.
• I took my first trip to the railroad tracks, too.
• I came home from work to find food, roses, a bubble bath, and Christopher semi-wrapped in tin foil. He asked me to be his Stuff again, and I said yes.
• Favorite Quote: "I'll be your one more time, if you'll be my last chance."

In August:

• I saved Duran & Company from what appeared to be a crazy rapist serial killer outside her bedroom window. False alarm.
• I attended the Froggy Field Party - discovered the awesomeness that is Dustin Lynch. Heard Cowboys & Angels from the front row.
• Warrior Football commenced! Wyatt Scott is a wild child!
• I decided that Stinky Andy was not my vehicular soul mate after all. This whole time, it was Stinky Charlie.
• I learned how to successfully funnel a beer...and puked in Charlie.
• I met Jdale with two cold coors lights, and made a toast to her coming home.
• We learned what caused that...longstrokin'. :)

In September:

• In honor of Pleasureville Day, we had an Jessicawhompus yard sale of epic proportions, down on main street.
• I decided that Pleasureville wasn't big enough for the three of us.
• WALKING! DRIVING! WINNING!
• I decided that I had other friendships that were not worth having. I made it known. I pissed the world off. I didn't care!
• I watched Wyatt sack a quarterback with the force of a mack truck. Loved watching him celebrate! "Now, THAT'S how you HIT a quarterback!"
• I decided that after months of playing Lion King with the stupid Android phone, it was time to return to the trusty crackberry, and I made it so. Going from the Android to the Blackberry was just like going from Andy back to Charlie...everything worked and it went fast!
• I got pulled over for speeding and took my seat belt off before the state boy made it to the car window. Nothing like charming a state boy with a stupid story and getting away with doing with 50 in a 25 mph zone!
• I learned that as a co-pilot, it's best to watch YOUR side of the truck. RIP Mighty Dodge!
• I decided that I was too pale and needed color. Dana made the hair Chocolate Brown.
• Favorite Quote: "Piss Jdale...did you see me accidentally lose control of that beer bottle just now?"

In October:

• I discovered sassy pants.
• I realized that if the farmer left the pumpkins in the patch, they were probably defective or looked like balls.
• I learned that Christopher is a professional photo-bomber.
• I finally defined "Mastermind" as Intuitive, Smart & Paranoid.
• I got to act like I was Luigi & Jdale acted like she was Mario while trick or treating at the zoo!
• Steelers beat the Bungals. :)
• Jdale got a new bracelet, it wasn't very pretty.
• Pumpkin Party 2012 went off with out a hitch! Good times as always!
• Christopher planned a huge surprise for our 3 month anniversary! Complete with dinner, a movie, a BBC variety pack, crazy daisies, brand new boots, a hotel room and a Jacuzzi. The best part was still him. <3
• I learned that if you swallow $30 bath oil, it'll make your poop slick.
• I spent Halloween in comfy pants, drinking potato water and eating rib-eyes with Jdale.
• Favorite Quote: "ma'am, I hope you don't mind, but I followed and watched you make that Lady's plate. I just want you to know that your service is beautiful. This world is blessed to have you in it. You're like a rainbow on a challenging day and I just had to meet you." - Woman In Golden Corral

In November:

• Duran's Baby Shower! We totally love Baby Sara!
• Upon the request of an old accomplice, I started this blog and have enjoyed writing again ever since!
• I totally helped put duct tape racing stripes on Fig's ranger. Go Dingo, go!
• For the first time in a decade, we decided to grace six mile jam-bo-ree with our awesome presence! Such good times in that shit hole! Even learned a couple dance moves. :)
• Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2. Enough said.
• I decided that I most certainly miss my blonde hair...the chocolate brown must go!
• I discovered that at 28 years old, I've suddenly got freckles.

In December:

• Friend Thanksgiving, although a tad late this year, went perfectly! Randaddy's turkey was fabulous!
• I went back to line-dancing class, only to grapevine into a Jdale fart.
• I spent two hours in a traffic line to see Lights Under Louisville with Jdale and 3 kiddos. Somehow, we didn't have to pay.
• I waited for hours in a waiting room until Baby Sara decided to make her grand entrance into the world on 12/19 at 11:11 pm. She was welcomed by a wonderful loving family. Weighing in at a whole 9 pounds & 19.5 inches long, she beautiful and perfect...and super tan.
• I survived the 21st of December, 2012. Ha!
• I spent the holidays with all of my favorite Christmas people, and it was such a big time. I even got to see Nestor again this year, and that's always an awesome event worth mentioning...because he's from the Bible!

...and I think that just about sums it all up! 

I'm ready for 2013...who's coming with me?!

Welcome, Baby Spoon!

"It's gonna be a boy. And we're gonna call him Walker Jesse."

For the last 9 months, I've watched my best friend's body morph and stretch into something that I don't believe should be physically possible. From start to finish, from "I'm a couple days late." to "what are we gonna do with a girl?" to "she's probably gonna be a couple days late." - I've been patiently waiting for this kid to make it's grand entrance into the world. Even if we were going to have to call her Naomi for real, I was ready. 

"What in the world are we going to do with a GIRL?"

The 9 months flew by - compared to how yesterday dragged on and on. As soon as my eyes opened yesterday morning, I had a text that informed me that she was having contractions 11 minutes apart.Through the whole 8 hours of work and the many updates that came as the day passed, I was thinking, "Wait for me D-Rail! Wait, Wait, Wait!"

Sara looks like a little pumpkin!

As soon as I got off work, and arrived at the hospital it suddenly changed to, "Go D-Rail, Go, Go, Go!" The next 5.5 hours in the Labor & Delivery unit involved a whole whirlwind of emotions. I was so excited I about peed myself when they said her water broke, I almost cried with her during a big contraction, I was anxious, impatient, nervous....you name it - but I was still ready.

Waiting Patiently!

Finally at 11:11 pm, just 49 minutes early, Ms. Sara Nichole Riddle entered this world weighing in at 9 whole pounds, and 19 inches long. She's healthy and absolutely beautiful!



Nice to meet you, Sara Nichole Riddle. :)

It's been an eventful trip down this road to motherhood with my little spoon. I'm sure I've asked more ridiculous questions and talked more about her stuff than she will ever be comfortable with. But no matter how much this whole process has creeped me out, I wouldn't have missed a minute of it! I'm very proud of her for being such a trooper, and I'm super happy that she finally has a little mini-me to mold into a totally awesome little redneck lady. 



Baby Shower! :)





Clitoris-Rex.

All of a sudden, last Friday - the Christmas Spirit hit me like a snowball to the ear. Due to this sudden burst of holiday cheer, I decided that I needed to go to the Mega Cavern and see the Lights Under Louisville. I figured since I was going no matter what, I might as well take a car load of kids with me to share the awesomeness of the millions of Christmas Lights. I immediately called my best friend and my boyfriend, and rallied up some kid troops. 

On Saturday, we loaded up and took off to Louisville. We stopped at McDonald's to fill our bellies, then we had to make a quick stop at the mall to grab some last minute presents before we went to see the lights. We decided to use the moment of silence as they ate to lay down the law. Jdale, being the great disciplinarian that she is, took charge. "Now, you little turds listen up. When we get in this mall, all three of you are gonna have to pipe down and stay close. It will be very easy for us to get separated and for you to get lost or kidnapped. Don't make me have to karate chop every one of ya, because I will!"



Damion says: "Okay."
Abby says: "Okay."
Hunter says: "If someone tries to take me, I'm gonna kick him in the balls."



Jdale, being proud of her son for having a solid stranger danger plan of action, nods and says: "Good plan...but what if its a woman?"

Hunter replies: "I'm gonna kick her in the clitoris."

At this point, I've managed to suck a whole fry down my throat and almost choke to death. Jdale is laughing hysterically and can hardly breathe. I'm thinking that at 9 years old, if he knows that word, he should probably think it's a dinosaur. Hunter's face turns red, as he's realizes that maybe, just maybe, he shouldn't have said that word. Jdale snaps her head around to look him in the eye and asks: "son, what in the world do YOU know about a clitoris?!"

Hunter, not to be made to look dumb or embarrassed any further, tells us matter of factually:  "I know that it looks like a butt, and it goes like this..." He takes his finger and draws a curved line in the air and goes "muuuuuuuuurrrrrrrpppppp". 

We both let out a sigh of relief that this child really didn't know what a clitoris was, that he had just randomly spat out the word because he's that cool. Not knowing if it was appropriate to give the boy an anatomy lesson of that nature, we just let it ride...all the way to the mall, where they all stayed close and no one got kidnapped.

And plus, the Christmas lights were uh-mazing! :)

Working On Black Friday.

This morning I walked through the door here at work, and before I could make it to the time clock, I got the biggest tightest heartfelt hug you could ever ask for. No words, no reason - this particular friend of mine was just excited to see me at 7:50 am. And there is nothing more rewarding or refreshing than the love we get in return for being caring and understanding people. 

Before I could make it to my desk, I heard three "good mornings" and one "hope you had a good Thanksgiving!". Not only are the residents here lucky to have us, we are lucky to have each other.

At my desk -  I got everything unlocked, opened up & running and I realized...it's biscuits & gravy day. And breakfast here is always free! Another added bonus. 

Upon returning to my desk with my warm free breakfast, I open my email to find a message from the boss-man that reads..."Thank you. You are great!" At least once a day, he makes a point to tell me that he appreciates me...even on days like today when he isn't here. That in itself, makes it all worthwhile.

And now, I sit here at my desk looking across the ghost-town that is usually my booming lobby...and even though I miss all the usual smiling faces, I am thankful to be here. It's going to be a long drawn out, quiet day - during which I will have absolutely nothing to do...but I'm not going to complain about it at all. Compared to what I was doing at work on this day two years ago, I'm going to say that I have it pretty damn good.

My thoughts and prayers go out to those cool kids at US Farmer, who are surely ear lobe deep in t-shirts & bullshit today. I hope you're holiday spirit remains high, and gets you through the tough times. God bless you people and your shipping skills! :)

Happy Anniversary, Jdale!

A little over a year ago, during one of many White Trash Wednesday events in the Trailerhood, I pulled out the old trusty Burn Book. It was the first time I'd had it out in 8 months. As I flipped through it, page by page, recalling every splendid memory and laughing candidly about each and every random quote, I thought to myself..."Damn, I miss Jdale." Of course, being all tough about it, what I said to everyone was...."Too bad she sucks ass these days..." and I brushed it off and carried on. That same night, we brought the Burn Book out of retirement, and wrote a ton of hilarious shit down on a fresh crisp page. A new beginning of sorts. 

The next day, I received at text that said "I think you need to call Jdale. You miss her and you can't say you don't because I saw it in your eyes when you opened the notebook last night." I replied with, "Of course I miss her, but that don't mean shit...I still ain't talking to her." All tough again. 

Turns out, this mediating friend of mine was very persistent. He kept on and on trying to convince me to call her. Even after I cussed him out and had tantrums about it, he still kept on. When my stubbornness proved to be impenetrable, he took it upon himself to contact her instead....and convince her to talk to me. 

Later that night I received another text, this one a forward. "Please tell her I love her and I miss her. And I'm sorry. She's my soul mate, and I'd give anything to have her back." I was at work, and the only thing I knew to do was rely on Nikki to give me sound advice...she had never failed me. After we weighed every pro and con, and went back and forth for hours - I was still torn about what to do. (And I was also mad as hell, because it was all stupid-head Casey's fault for even putting this all on the table in first place!)

After that, I don't remember exactly what happened. I'm not sure if I texted her or if she texted me or what...but we spoke and made plans. EBG's Saturday Night, we'd have a beer. 

Saturday night, there I sat - by myself at EBG's, kicking myself for even agreeing to the dumb shit, but even still - an hour early. I ordered a bucket of beer, sat there and drank. The band started, I sat there and listened. And then the door opened, and like a beacon of light in the night...there she was. My long lost best friend. My Jessica #Koff. The Executioner to my Mastermind.The Bubba to my Forrest Gump. The Ren to my Stimpy. The air drummer in my air band. My soul mate. My non-driving, loud-mouthed, obnoxious, ridiculous, intellectually-challenged....best friend. 

"...the Jessica's are back. Tell a friend."

Immediately, it was fine. We were back together like we'd never missed a beat. We made it official with a picture on Facebook.

Today, we're celebrating our one year anniversary. We never thought that the stupid green 5 subject notebook that we purchased to document our epic adventures in, would end up being the one thing that would eventually bring us back together..but it did. And it now holds a whole new year's worth of memories. 

I also feel compelled to thank Casey Chadwell once again, for battling it out with me through my most stubborn and conflicted times. He forced me to get my head out of my ass and made me realize that what I really needed in my life at the time, was her. Of all the gifts this man ever gave me, giving me my best friend back is the one thing I'll be forever grateful for. 

I love you, Jessica Delaine Dale. Now, put yer titty back up, we've got celebrating to do. :) 

Lunch....Lady?

I believe, that if the word "lady" is in the title of the profession you chose, you should be required to act like one. But there must be an underlying rule that lunch ladies learn in lunch lady school, that says that they have to be mean to every single person they serve. Or maybe it's just me. Either way - every time I have had to interact with a lunch lady, in the history of ever, they have been thoroughly unpleasant.

I'm a tad perturbed this morning because I seriously just got a stank eye over a biscuit. I mean, really? I'm sure that I appeared to be just another drooling & aggravating employee who wanted some damn gravy...but really I was a sickly employee who had just taken an ass-load of medicine that was going to come hurling back up out of my belly if I didn't soon put some substance behind it. I understand that they ran out of biscuits, and I understand that it takes time cook more. What I don't understand is why they always gotta throw attitude at me like a fast ball when I ask them a simple question!

But y'all don't worry...all is well, thanks to the best receptionist wing-man ever known to man...

Thank you Michele, for braving the evil forest of the kitchen and returning with a golden biscuit. You saved my life today!

Tell Your Stories.

"You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should've behaved better." - Anne Lamott

Favorite quote there...and I'll tell ya why.

I personally feel like if you are going to be a shit person your whole life, you shouldn't be able to throw a pity party when your years and years of bad decisions finally catch up with you. And, if you do decide to throw yourself that pity party, I should be allowed to crash it.

I have sympathy for a lot of things, like sick babies & hungry puppies, but I don't have sympathy for stupid. Something that I do have is a memory like a steel trap; once something is in my head, it's stuck. You do something shitty to me, or let me see you do something shitty to someone else, I'm gonna remember. I'm gonna keep it tucked away in my big brain, in an arsenal of keepsakes, readily available to bust your balls as soon as I feel it's necessary.

If you do what you do, all the time, with no respect or regard for anyone else at all, completely selfish and arrogant, I should be able to warn people when you attempt to take advantage of their honest compassion. If you sit around and tell a sob story to get people to feel sorry for you when you don't deserve it, I should be able to combat your story if you don't tell it right. If the correct story was one that you didn't want known, maybe you should learn to behave better. I don't feel like anyone is required to feel sorry for you, when a situation you've created bites you in the ass.

As if you couldn't tell, I'm grumpy today. It seems like the good folks always end up with the shit end of the deal and the bad ones get everything handed to them. Since that's the way of the world, if you're a shit person and I have the appropriate ammunition, I'm going to do what I can to make sure you feel a little shitty every once in a while. If holding you accountable for your actions makes me a bitch, then so be it. What holding you accountable for your actions won't do is make me a fool, and I'm down with that.

Good Morning, How Can I Help Your Phone Etiquette?

8 hours a day, 5 days a week, I sit at my desk and I answer a phone. 

Answering the phone was something I loathed at my last job because every time the phone rang it meant that I had to do something. It meant that I had to take a subscription, take an apparel order, take a dealer's ad corrections, or take a bitchy message due to fact that the president never would accept his calls because marthastewart.com was more important than the business he was running. 9 times out of 10, I was so far behind in the job that I was responsible for that I just flat out didn't have time to be dealing some half-wit farmer out of North Dakota whose magazine showed up in the mail missing the inside pages. Like, who gives a shit? Not me. 

Now, I answer the calls and immediately direct them to someone else. Which isn't so bad. None of the calls require me to do much of anything more than get them to the correct person they need to handle the business at hand. Remembering a building load of extensions was a pain in the ass, but I've always been good with numbers so it didn't take too long. They even supplied me with a dorky, yet practical headset that allows me to answer the phone when it rings without even having to move my ear over to the receiver. It's pretty awesome. 

As painless as that may seem, I still find myself very aggravated at 75% of the people who call me on a daily basis. I get all worked up like twice a day, I'm not even gonna lie. I have to call across the room at least once a day to vent to my receptionist wing-man...."Michele, what the hell is wrong with these people?!" And normally, I get out of her exactly what I'm after...which is a laugh, an understanding sigh, and some words of encouragement. You see, Michele did my job for years; she understands and is always there to support me. She swears that she was normal before she had my job...and she may very well be right...I kinda feel like I was normal once, too. But still, she pats me on the back, gets me back on the right track, and I go right back to answering the phone. 

Please understand that the fact that people call me constantly isn't exactly what gets me all twisted out of proportion. It's the general lack of manners of the people who are calling. They normally fall under one of three aggravating categories: rude, dumb or persistent.

It bothers me when I answer the phone and the caller is having a full-blown conversation with someone else that's in the room with them. I feel like if you are going to make a call, it's rude to not devote all of your attention to that call. When I answer the phone, I have a long drawn-out spiel that I have to put out there, and it throws me off when I answer the phone and someone is already talking. I will even sit there, and not say a word until the caller gets all weird and can't decide if I've answered or not. Because at that point, they shut up and listen. And when that finally happens I say, "Good Morning, how can I help you?"

I also get worked up when someone calls and asks me a dumb question. For example, I hear my boss's phone ringing in his office. It stops, immediately mine starts ringing. I see that it's an internal call, hmph. I answer, no spiel on these calls thankfully, internal calls only require a friendly hello. And then I hear, "....is the big man not in his office?" Well dummy, I don't know...didn't you just call in there? Did he answer? No? What do you reckon that means?  Or when I get a call like "...could you tell me if Donna is in her office?" Well dummy, I don't know....how about I put my x-ray glasses on and peer through the walls? Or better yet, let me call someone to come cover the front desk for me so that I can walk to her office and take a look. Come on now people, won't hurt you to think a little before you dial a number. 

My absolute FAVORITE aggravating caller is the one that just won't quit. Never fails, around noon every day, someone will call and ask for someone that is on their lunch break. I mean, we are all pretty much hard asses up in this place - but we still gotta eat. The first time they call, I will transfer them as requested and hope like hell they have sense enough to leave a message. Ha! Never happens. As expected, I end up having to suffer through a tedious routine...which involves at least three call backs to "try" other places this person may be hiding, and then a page overhead to try to locate them. When all that fails, I get the same line..."Well, I HAVE to talk to them." Okay genius, what else do you suppose that I can do? I'm practically chained to the front desk. I have to have someone come cover me so I can go take a leak...so what exactly do you suppose I do about the fact that someone across the building isn't answering the phone at the exact time that YOU need them to?  Instead of saying all that, I just ever so politely remind them that it's lunch time and suggest that they just leave a message and wait for a call back. I always get a huff and a puff, but then they agree. At that moment, I sit back and think about how that caller just ripped 10 minutes of my life away from me, and how it all could have been avoided if they would have just left a message the first time they called. This happens every, single, day. 

I've never been one that was real good at biting my tongue, its proven to be pretty painful for me actually. For the sake of keeping my job, I have no choice but to grin and bear down, maybe that is what makes my eye twitch. I have figured out that if I sit at my desk and make a smart ass face while I listen to the nonsense on the other end of the line, it makes me feel quite a bit better...however, that tactic kinda freaks out the innocent people passing by. I'm fine with them thinking of me as the crazy receptionist girl because if it hasn't got me already, the "crazy receptionist plague" will inevitably catch up with me sooner or later. With that being said, don't be surprised if you call me one day and my spiel has changed. I feel like a good solid day of "Good morning, how can I help your phone etiquette?" may be very beneficial to the integrity of the general population.

I've Always Got Something To Say.

"You've always got something to say. Can't ever just keep your damn mouth shut." 
- Christopher Dale 

This quote is from a letter that my amazing boyfriend wrote to me in March of 2007. Not one of our finer moments of course; it sure pissed me off real good at the time. But the last time I read the letter, I got a real kick out of that particular part. Lol, he was soooo right! I do always have something to say...and I really can't ever just keep my damn mouth shut. Ha! He knows me so well. 

Earlier today, an old accomplice of mine suggested that I start a blog...because my Facebook status about cherry coke zero tasting like cardboard got him tickled. Immediately, I went to find that letter just for that quote, because if indeed I decided to start a blog, it absolutely had to be included in the very first one. 

As I was finishing up what my mother refers to as my weekly "whore chores"...I started thinking. A blog, hmph. I like to write, when it's something I care to write about. I scored a distinguished on my senior writing portfolio, so I know I have the ability to do it. I spend a lot of my time at work bored to death, so I definitely have the time. Jessica Dale is my best friend, so there will be no shortage of material. A frikken blog....why hadn't I thought of this before? It's perfect. 

Now, I don't know how often I'll post a blog, or even if you'll like to read what I've got to say, but I think I'm gonna give it a whirl. I feel like I might as well use this big brain for something productive, so it doesn't get all rusty on me.

So, y'all stay tuned...with any luck I'll keep you entertained. 

...I've always got something to say. :)