A $12 Damn Blender.

"...hit the wall smoking & spinning; still wasn't thinking 'bout nothing but winning..." 

Sometimes, I wish that I was smart and had gone to law school after I graduated. I would love nothing more than to be expected to be (and get paid for being) an asshole every single day of my life. Woe is me, here I sit at headquarters - forced to be nice! But if you know me at all, you probably know that sarcasm, cleverness and a backbone are pretty much my three favorite traits in a person...and lucky me, my lawyer is made up of all three. His name is Rob, no pun intended. 

(side note: I just totally remembered my Uncle Obie referring to his lawyers as "Doey, Cheatam & Howe"....get it? Do we cheat them and how? Ah, nevermind.)

We contacted Rob because a criminal lawyer recommended him to us, and after a small game of phone tag I was able to get him on the phone. I explained to him in detail about the whole storage building fiasco...and he was immediately like, "F*ck this guy, bring me the information". 

Last week I took him the list of my belongings that were destroyed and their value, the contract, the receipts, the pictures, and the story start to finish. Yesterday, he called me unexpectedly as I left the nail salon, so I sat in my car in the parking lot and listened to him - and ultimately laughed out loud. Did I mention this guy is awesome? 

He explained to me that we had been misinformed by the lawyer that we had contacted initially for legal advice, and that asking for 75% to account for depreciation was simply not acceptable. He said, and I quote "if you paid $12 for a damn blender, then you need to get $12 back. It doesn't matter if it was only worth $4 at the time, it was still your $12 damn blender. He needs to put you right back in the situation you were in before he screwed up"! I mean, right?! So, this guy, this awesome Rob lawyer guy, says that asking for a full reimbursement isn't ridiculous at all, and that we will be going for the full amount of damages incurred. Amen to that, brother!

He also stated that the contract wasn't anything that I had to worry about, with all of it's big bold type saying "we aren't responsible for anything" blah blah blah...they can't disclaim negligence. And this is 100% negligence, since they - you know - neglected to update their records properly. The only other thing need to win a suit is proof of damages due to their negligence. That makes the score two for the good guys, zero for the bad guys! :)

Awesome Rob mailed a "hell or high water" letter out yesterday, demanding either reimbursement or contact information for ACB's insurance company. He said, "They've got insurance, liability insurance. And if they don't they're idiots and they need to get it. This can be considered their wake up call because they are liable". So long story short - if they don't want to pay up, we will go after the insurance company. If they don't want to pay up and don't have insurance then we will, as Rob proclaimed, "take it to Conrad"! At this point in our conversation I was all pumped up and I felt like a hands in the middle "Go Team!" was warranted, but being as I was by myself in the car in a parking lot, I settled for a single fist pump.  :)

As of right now, we're playing the waiting game - the waiting is the hardest part - but at least there is a game plan that has been set into action. He gave them a deadline of 7 days to reply, and depending on how that goes it will all be over, or it will begin in Henry County Circuit Court. It can go either way, but either way - we're gonna win! 

-- "...straight ahead, never turn around, don't give up, don't back down; full throttle, wide open, you get tired but you don't show it; dig a little deeper when you think you can't dig no more, that's the only way I know..." 

No News Is Good News.

So, I'm just kicken it here at headquarters. Watching the outside door open and shut for no reason...not sure why it does that, but it happens quite a bit. Sometimes I wonder if the feral cats set it off, or maybe it's gigantic stink bugs flying past the sensor? Who knows, anyhow - that's quality entertainment 'round here on a Thursday. 

Watching the doors, however, was not my first attempt to cure this boredom. I actually went to wave3's website and attempted to read some news first. The first four stories on the list were so ridiculous that I just laughed and stopped reading. I know I shouldn't laugh at others people expense, and it's really not funny that this kind of shit happens to people...what tickles me is the fact that there are people in this world with balls big enough to do some of this shit. 

Personally, I'm a coward. Confrontation completely sketches me out. I've even been known to make Jdale call and complain to fast food worker's about MY messed up orders because I'm just that lame and afraid they'll argue with me. For the life of me, I just cannot fathom how people can just go bat shit crazy and do some of the things that end up on the news. 

The first story in the list tells me that a man has beat up his girlfriend while he was holding their baby. I have no comments about that, because really, what can you say? I bet his Mama is proud? Daddy of the year? Hmph. 

The second story tells me that a man was wandering aimlessly around the halls of the Hall of Justice, and after he was asked to leave - he flashed his genitalia to the general public. He then became uncooperative and refused to tell the police his name. When they arrested him and got him to his cell, he striped off butt ass naked. Can you imagine how uncomfortable the cops and guards were while dealing with this nude dude? That's funny to me. 

The third story tells me that a chick, high on meth of course, went up into a daycare and demanded a ride, threatening the daycare workers with an ink pen. AN INK PEN! Why can't shit like this happen to me? I'd love nothing more than to be given the opportunity to take an ink pen from someone, laugh at them, then make them feel bad about themselves. Betta get on outta here with that Bic, bitch!

The fourth story tells me that pastor committed homicide. A PASTOR. And not just one homicide, but he went above and beyond and went down for a TRIPLE homicide. Did I mention that this dude was A PASTOR? Yeah, I think I said that. But anyhow - this same PASTOR also owned one of those gold for cash places, and a pawn shop at some point in the recent past. Now, I'm no rocket scientist and sometimes I'm a tad off in the head, but that just all sounds sketchy to me! A pastor with a pawn shop, plucking people off. Geez, Louise. 

   

At this point in my life nothing surprises me, but seriously - if I didn't laugh about this crap, I'd probably cry. I mean, is this really where these people wanna be when Jesus comes back? Running around butt ass naked, yielding pens and killing people in pawn shops? The world needs to get it's shit together because.....

"We cannot make good news out of bad practice." - Edward R. Murrow