Man, I've Come A Long Way...

...I felt like wrapping up 2012 in a list of highlights and memorable times would be pretty darn neat...so I did it. :)

In January:

• I learned that "abominable-snowman-bigfeet-hillbilly-beasts" won't chase you through a corn field because the stalks hurt their feet...so in case of an bigfeet emergency, the corn field is the best escape route. Handy little bit of information to have.
• I lost my motivation and was too lazy to offer a reward for it's safe return.
• Received my very first Dear John letter, my favorite bar burned down, I fell off the wagon - all in a week. 
• I realized that sometimes, the bad decisions are the ones that are the most fun.
• Favorite Quote: "baby, you look good in those crotch-less overalls...scrumptious like a sausage biscuit..."  - B Shrader & RFR

In February:

• I turned 28 and it was great - realized that I share a birthday with Johnny Cash!
• I carried right on with my White Trash Wednesday tradition, in spite of the newly created "No Her Wednesday" that didn't include me...because I was her.  
• I rescued Fig from a bullshit DUI in Carrollton, made him buy me and Tesler food and shower...then we had a big time at the Farm Machinery Show!
• I discovered Swamp People! Choot 'em! He keeps rollin'! Tell him to stop!
• I rocked two job interviews...and then didn't get the job.
• Favorite Quote: "Talking two random guys in a Dodge into a burnout outside of Broadbent arena was priceless. Getting hit in the face by gravel while standing behind the truck throwing up the metal horns was a little unsettling." - Me

In March:

• I decided to blame it all on Waylon, no matter what.
• I learned that if there is a song playing that me and Jdale don't like, singing "Pumped Up Kicks" to ourselves would keep us dancing right along.
• "Bob Chinigans."  Enough Said.
• I passed the Mini Bus training - did not slam into anything! I then decided that I was ready for a truck.
• I learned that you can't trust anyone with Ice Blue eyes...it's on the poster in the doctor's office...one of those things I should have learned in Kindergarten.
• I learned that you can't go into the liquor store without shoes on...but you can sure go through the drive thru without them.
• I almost lost my baby sister in a head on collision. I stood on scene while she was cut out of her car, cut out of her clothes and flown away in a helicopter...and I was completely traumatized.
• I realized that if a best friend doesn't have time to call and check on your baby sister after she almost dies in a head on collision, she isn't a friend worth having.

In April:

• I started working first shift again! I gave up my weekends for evenings and actually began to live like a human being instead of a vampire!
• Guess what? Duran is pregnant!
• I saw a monkey barf at the Louisville Zoo, and then eat it! Fantastic!
• I learned that even if you stumble, it's forward progress.
• I learned to adapt & overcome.
• Favorite Quote: "well hello there, April Fool's day....I guess the joke's on me this year?...ha! watch me wake up with a smile and a purpose. i'll straight take a shit in today's face and we'll see who has the laugh..." - Me

In May:

• I learned that no matter what, tomorrow starts free of mistakes.
• Diesel Ray celebrated his 10th year of being my best friend! The best thing decision I ever made was the day I decided to be him's person!
• I took a mini-vacation to Hell, Michigan with Mandango Chadwell! Got whiskey bent & hell bound, ate a Beef & Cheddar from the corner of Sharts & Central, realized that its hard to find hell - even for people like me and Casey. Drove back across Michigan to Lake Erie, and I swear I saw Canada.
• I became friends with Chris Suter on Facebook!
• I realized that the best way to watch a sun rise is thru high-definition aviators.

In June:

• I learned that face value has no worth. Just because they say it, don't make it true.
• I fell in love with Stinky Andy and bought him. Vehicular soul mate.
• I interviewed for another job at the Lodge...and snagged it!
• I went frog giggin' with Christopher. Had a big time...except for the slimy sack and the bigfoot scare.
• I decided for a brief moment that joining up with the Ren Faire and living free was my life's calling.
• I became half of a brush-hauling helluva-duo with Duran. Only lost the payload once!
• Christopher decided that he had sweet nothings that he needed to whisper in my ear, and wouldn't leave me alone about it. 
• Favorite Quote: "She opens her heart to an old memory - she closes her eyes and she smiles." - Blackhawk

In July:

• They told us we couldn't go back there...but we did.
• Stay-Cation 2012 kicked off with a cooler completely loaded down with blue mountains. I'm talking double layered, plum full -  and we drank them all at some truck races.
• I had every single one of my favorites together for the 4th. Every single last one of them. Between the barn doors. :)
• Taylorsville. Back this bitch out into the water, untie all the cable & rope.
• River Tuesdays come into our lives. We welcomed them with open arms, and open beers.
• I took my first trip up the mountain to the corn field, to see the stars.
• I took my first trip to the railroad tracks, too.
• I came home from work to find food, roses, a bubble bath, and Christopher semi-wrapped in tin foil. He asked me to be his Stuff again, and I said yes.
• Favorite Quote: "I'll be your one more time, if you'll be my last chance."

In August:

• I saved Duran & Company from what appeared to be a crazy rapist serial killer outside her bedroom window. False alarm.
• I attended the Froggy Field Party - discovered the awesomeness that is Dustin Lynch. Heard Cowboys & Angels from the front row.
• Warrior Football commenced! Wyatt Scott is a wild child!
• I decided that Stinky Andy was not my vehicular soul mate after all. This whole time, it was Stinky Charlie.
• I learned how to successfully funnel a beer...and puked in Charlie.
• I met Jdale with two cold coors lights, and made a toast to her coming home.
• We learned what caused that...longstrokin'. :)

In September:

• In honor of Pleasureville Day, we had an Jessicawhompus yard sale of epic proportions, down on main street.
• I decided that Pleasureville wasn't big enough for the three of us.
• WALKING! DRIVING! WINNING!
• I decided that I had other friendships that were not worth having. I made it known. I pissed the world off. I didn't care!
• I watched Wyatt sack a quarterback with the force of a mack truck. Loved watching him celebrate! "Now, THAT'S how you HIT a quarterback!"
• I decided that after months of playing Lion King with the stupid Android phone, it was time to return to the trusty crackberry, and I made it so. Going from the Android to the Blackberry was just like going from Andy back to Charlie...everything worked and it went fast!
• I got pulled over for speeding and took my seat belt off before the state boy made it to the car window. Nothing like charming a state boy with a stupid story and getting away with doing with 50 in a 25 mph zone!
• I learned that as a co-pilot, it's best to watch YOUR side of the truck. RIP Mighty Dodge!
• I decided that I was too pale and needed color. Dana made the hair Chocolate Brown.
• Favorite Quote: "Piss Jdale...did you see me accidentally lose control of that beer bottle just now?"

In October:

• I discovered sassy pants.
• I realized that if the farmer left the pumpkins in the patch, they were probably defective or looked like balls.
• I learned that Christopher is a professional photo-bomber.
• I finally defined "Mastermind" as Intuitive, Smart & Paranoid.
• I got to act like I was Luigi & Jdale acted like she was Mario while trick or treating at the zoo!
• Steelers beat the Bungals. :)
• Jdale got a new bracelet, it wasn't very pretty.
• Pumpkin Party 2012 went off with out a hitch! Good times as always!
• Christopher planned a huge surprise for our 3 month anniversary! Complete with dinner, a movie, a BBC variety pack, crazy daisies, brand new boots, a hotel room and a Jacuzzi. The best part was still him. <3
• I learned that if you swallow $30 bath oil, it'll make your poop slick.
• I spent Halloween in comfy pants, drinking potato water and eating rib-eyes with Jdale.
• Favorite Quote: "ma'am, I hope you don't mind, but I followed and watched you make that Lady's plate. I just want you to know that your service is beautiful. This world is blessed to have you in it. You're like a rainbow on a challenging day and I just had to meet you." - Woman In Golden Corral

In November:

• Duran's Baby Shower! We totally love Baby Sara!
• Upon the request of an old accomplice, I started this blog and have enjoyed writing again ever since!
• I totally helped put duct tape racing stripes on Fig's ranger. Go Dingo, go!
• For the first time in a decade, we decided to grace six mile jam-bo-ree with our awesome presence! Such good times in that shit hole! Even learned a couple dance moves. :)
• Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2. Enough said.
• I decided that I most certainly miss my blonde hair...the chocolate brown must go!
• I discovered that at 28 years old, I've suddenly got freckles.

In December:

• Friend Thanksgiving, although a tad late this year, went perfectly! Randaddy's turkey was fabulous!
• I went back to line-dancing class, only to grapevine into a Jdale fart.
• I spent two hours in a traffic line to see Lights Under Louisville with Jdale and 3 kiddos. Somehow, we didn't have to pay.
• I waited for hours in a waiting room until Baby Sara decided to make her grand entrance into the world on 12/19 at 11:11 pm. She was welcomed by a wonderful loving family. Weighing in at a whole 9 pounds & 19.5 inches long, she beautiful and perfect...and super tan.
• I survived the 21st of December, 2012. Ha!
• I spent the holidays with all of my favorite Christmas people, and it was such a big time. I even got to see Nestor again this year, and that's always an awesome event worth mentioning...because he's from the Bible!

...and I think that just about sums it all up! 

I'm ready for 2013...who's coming with me?!

Welcome, Baby Spoon!

"It's gonna be a boy. And we're gonna call him Walker Jesse."

For the last 9 months, I've watched my best friend's body morph and stretch into something that I don't believe should be physically possible. From start to finish, from "I'm a couple days late." to "what are we gonna do with a girl?" to "she's probably gonna be a couple days late." - I've been patiently waiting for this kid to make it's grand entrance into the world. Even if we were going to have to call her Naomi for real, I was ready. 

"What in the world are we going to do with a GIRL?"

The 9 months flew by - compared to how yesterday dragged on and on. As soon as my eyes opened yesterday morning, I had a text that informed me that she was having contractions 11 minutes apart.Through the whole 8 hours of work and the many updates that came as the day passed, I was thinking, "Wait for me D-Rail! Wait, Wait, Wait!"

Sara looks like a little pumpkin!

As soon as I got off work, and arrived at the hospital it suddenly changed to, "Go D-Rail, Go, Go, Go!" The next 5.5 hours in the Labor & Delivery unit involved a whole whirlwind of emotions. I was so excited I about peed myself when they said her water broke, I almost cried with her during a big contraction, I was anxious, impatient, nervous....you name it - but I was still ready.

Waiting Patiently!

Finally at 11:11 pm, just 49 minutes early, Ms. Sara Nichole Riddle entered this world weighing in at 9 whole pounds, and 19 inches long. She's healthy and absolutely beautiful!



Nice to meet you, Sara Nichole Riddle. :)

It's been an eventful trip down this road to motherhood with my little spoon. I'm sure I've asked more ridiculous questions and talked more about her stuff than she will ever be comfortable with. But no matter how much this whole process has creeped me out, I wouldn't have missed a minute of it! I'm very proud of her for being such a trooper, and I'm super happy that she finally has a little mini-me to mold into a totally awesome little redneck lady. 



Baby Shower! :)





Clitoris-Rex.

All of a sudden, last Friday - the Christmas Spirit hit me like a snowball to the ear. Due to this sudden burst of holiday cheer, I decided that I needed to go to the Mega Cavern and see the Lights Under Louisville. I figured since I was going no matter what, I might as well take a car load of kids with me to share the awesomeness of the millions of Christmas Lights. I immediately called my best friend and my boyfriend, and rallied up some kid troops. 

On Saturday, we loaded up and took off to Louisville. We stopped at McDonald's to fill our bellies, then we had to make a quick stop at the mall to grab some last minute presents before we went to see the lights. We decided to use the moment of silence as they ate to lay down the law. Jdale, being the great disciplinarian that she is, took charge. "Now, you little turds listen up. When we get in this mall, all three of you are gonna have to pipe down and stay close. It will be very easy for us to get separated and for you to get lost or kidnapped. Don't make me have to karate chop every one of ya, because I will!"



Damion says: "Okay."
Abby says: "Okay."
Hunter says: "If someone tries to take me, I'm gonna kick him in the balls."



Jdale, being proud of her son for having a solid stranger danger plan of action, nods and says: "Good plan...but what if its a woman?"

Hunter replies: "I'm gonna kick her in the clitoris."

At this point, I've managed to suck a whole fry down my throat and almost choke to death. Jdale is laughing hysterically and can hardly breathe. I'm thinking that at 9 years old, if he knows that word, he should probably think it's a dinosaur. Hunter's face turns red, as he's realizes that maybe, just maybe, he shouldn't have said that word. Jdale snaps her head around to look him in the eye and asks: "son, what in the world do YOU know about a clitoris?!"

Hunter, not to be made to look dumb or embarrassed any further, tells us matter of factually:  "I know that it looks like a butt, and it goes like this..." He takes his finger and draws a curved line in the air and goes "muuuuuuuuurrrrrrrpppppp". 

We both let out a sigh of relief that this child really didn't know what a clitoris was, that he had just randomly spat out the word because he's that cool. Not knowing if it was appropriate to give the boy an anatomy lesson of that nature, we just let it ride...all the way to the mall, where they all stayed close and no one got kidnapped.

And plus, the Christmas lights were uh-mazing! :)