What's up, y'all? Been awhile, ain't it? Yeah, yeah...I'm a slacker and I know it, I'd give a shit but I don't feel like it! Ha, that's joy of having your own blog - you can write whatever you want, whenever you want and if you don't wanna write shit, then hell - you don't have to!
Anyhow, we've been busy bees since the big move. We've successfully destructed the whole kitchen and reconstructed the whole kitchen. I'm talking like we've ripped it all out down to the floor joists (including a little dumb half wall), and replaced every last bit of it. New floor, new vinyl, new cabinets, new counters, new island, new appliances...It's officially a clean and functional kitchen, and by god - I know where 95% of my shit is now. My OCD appreciates that tremendously! The disorganization was starting to wreak havoc on my sanity.
However, we still lack a couple of kitchen components, A) The pantry needs an overhaul. B) We need to put the trim back up to cover the nasty baby shit green/yellow that used to be the kitchen's color, whoever picked that color was a fucked up individual! and C) We need barn wood to put up as the backsplash because that's just going to bring it all together. However, we can't find any and we're a little perturbed by it. And no, we're not going to pay some asshat $1.50 a foot for it - fuck that, I'll go buy privacy fence planks and call it damn day before that happens. People are fucking stingy man. Harold Christ! And also, I earned myself a high-five to fucking forehead, because this whole time I thought that we had 90 days to do the repairs, and turn the paperwork in for the reimbursement from our repair escrow account - turns out we only had 30. And this girl, being all prompt and shizzle, called 3 days prior to the unknown deadline to turn the required shit in. I was like, holy hell, 3 days?! Totally dodged that bullet by the skin of my teeth. I would've been sick and died from it if we'd missed out on getting that money back. Shew! Anyhow, y'all know of any blown down ass barns that might have some barn wood up for grabs, holler at your girl.
In between working our full time jobs, keeping a kid fed & on a somewhat-sensible schedule, and busting ass until bedtime on the house every single day, I've manage to read about 85% of a new book, "The Stranger Beside Me" by Ann Rule. Y'all remember how the book about Jim Jones got me all in an uproar and unsettled for a while? Well - this here book is about Ted Bundy, lady killer extraordinaire. And to think that I thought I knew some sketchy motherfuckers! Ol' Theodore was a real nut job, and boy was he slick as shit. The writer, Ann Rule, was his friend for many many years, thought the world of him, and she absolutely believed his innocence until she was at his trial as a reporter and saw all the evidence in person. She started out being an investigative narrator, putting things in order during open investigations to keep time lines straight for the law men, and then she started writing and publishing true crime short stories. So through the whole killing spree ordeal, she had all the inside information, but had no idea it was her buddy Ted whackin' bitches about the head all over the country. It's a pretty interesting read, if you're into that sort of thing.
But yeah, the dude started off as an illegitimate child of the 50's which was damn near unheard of. His young mother had been sent away to a home for mothers of illegitimate children until he was born and then they came back home, under the falsehood that he was her younger brother and not her son. They lived that facade for a few years and then his mother decided that it no longer worked for her, and she took Ted and moved far away. Of course he was wounded by the lies, but seemed to carry on about his daily business. In high school he fell in love with a woman that was far out of his league, and they dated for about a year. She refused to take him to meet her family because she knew that they'd reject him, and then eventually she broke it off with him and shattered his heart. He then went on like, a three year personal overhaul - wen't to college, got degrees, got into politics, made a name for himself - just completely succeeded in every thing he put his mind to. So then he went back home, found ol' girl and reconciled. He proceeded to swoon her and make her fall back in love with him, proposed to her, she accepted...and then he dropped her ass like a bad habit. He did all that - went through all that trouble just to make her feel like she wasn't good enough for him this time. I mean, he totally got his sweet revenge on this bitch. And then, that didn't give him the gratification that he'd hoped it would, so three days later, he starts killing everyone bitch that he saw that resembled the girl. Dude. Was. Crazy. But my point to all of this, is I am now damn leery of everybody dude I see in a cast. You ain't tricking me into no bullshit, Bundy! Piss!
So the other night, probably half delirious from my new crazy bitch medicine, I decided to kick it on the bed and scroll through the "Henry County Buy, Sell, Trade" page on Facebook. People will seriously try to make a buck off anything, won't they? So I get to this post from this chick in LaGrange - it says "Tape Dispeniser (notice the spelling there) $5.00, just needs tape location lagrange" So I stare at the picture of this old school, hard to operate, bulky ass tape gun...and I just die laughing. I mean one of those tears rolling, can't explain what I'm laughing about kind of laughs. Like for real, you can buy those little sleek user friendly ones WITH TAPE at the family dollar for $2.75. I'm like, hell naw - ain't no way I'd pay her $5.00 for no damn broke down ass tape "dispeniser". So, Christopher decides he wants to comment on the post, but he's not a member of the group so he can't. In turn, I end up talked into posting under the picture, being a total smart ass that it's fancy and that I'd trade her 2 lbs of butterbeans for it. Girl don't even get that I was being facetious - she replies back, "I really need the money!" I was weak over this shit. Anyhow, these buy sell trade pages are my new favorite way to find humor at other's expense. And I've also got some shit I need to post on there. "$3 for a used bic pen, bitches! Buyer must pickup!"
I'm sure you've been following the saga of Diesel Ray's asshole surgery on Facebook. He had a tumor removed off his asshole last Monday, that was supposed to be a simple procedure. It tested non cancerous which was the best part of this whole ordeal by far. He was good with it until Thursday, when it started to itch and his cone prevented him from digging at the wound, so he goes all old man resourceful and drags his ass across my new carpet in order to FSU. So Friday, he's bleeding again. Saturday his asshole is swelled up like something awful, so we go back to the vet. His asshole is now infected. So we've got oral medicine and topical cream that I get the privilege of apply to his dog asshole twice a day. And being as his ass is bleeding and has cream on it, he gets to wear a diaper - and ultimately shits in said diaper. Probably for spite because he's all wounded about having to wear the damn thing. Anyhow - this morning he's in far better shape - but my legs are bruised due to his ability to adapt and overcome to the cone and takes my wheels out from under me every time he comes near me. Poor guy is traumatized by this shit, and I think I am too. This has been a nightmare from jump.
In other news, Christopher came home with 10 baby chickens last night, who I've deemed "Mother Clucker & The Chicken Littles". And we spent the majority of the night building a "Chicken Little Coop". Now don't get me wrong, baby chickens are pretty cute...but what they are going to grow into terrifies me. Y'all know I've got personal issues with birds, if it's got a beak - we just aren't gonna be friends. As long as they stay in the coop I think we'll get along just fine, but I'm tellin' ya - first fuckin' chicken that gets after me is gonna cause a moderate come apart. I've already worked out a plan of escape: run to the nearest vehicle and bounce. LOL, this is gonna be a hot mess and I know it, but we're gonna have fresh eggs in like 9 months or something. We're gonna be some egg eatin' fools, no doubt.
So, as a compromise of sorts, we've decided that if Christopher gets to have chickens, I get to have goats. And I'm so super pumped about the goats. We only wanted one but we've been advised that since they are herd animals they need a companion to thrive. So we're gonna get a male and a female, Doyle & Debbie Sue, and it's gonna the best ever. Goats are so damn cute! And a lady has some for sale in Port Royal, we're hoping to put a deposit on one this week and then we'll get her when she's weaned from her mother in about 5 weeks or so. And then there's another batch about to be born and we're gonna get the male from that batch. So he'll be a couple weeks behind her. Whoever knew that two acres would provide enough space for such exciting animal endeavors! :) Hell, we might just open us a petting zoo. :)
And one more awesome thing about an animal, and I'll quit boring you for the day. On our way down Drennon Saturday, Damion asks me - "Have you ever been to the winery?" As a self proclaimed wino, I reply with "I've been to the shop part, but not the event part. And since you mentioned it, I could use a bottle of Drennon Creek." So we bust a move up the winery drive way and walk in the little sales shed. As we come in the door, this massive dog comes around the counter and looks at us like, "wassup?!" I was like, holy shit - that's the biggest most awesome dog ever! Girl behind the counters says "Yeah, that's Burley. He was so quiet I forgot he was in here." So being dog people, me and Damion make over the big guy for a few minutes. She tells us that he's only a year and a half old, so he's still got growing to do. I was amazed at his size already, but also amazed that this gigantic puppy was so docile. She told us that he'd had lots of training to stop him from jumping on people, since it's a public venue they couldn't having him tackling their patrons. Anyhow, if we could've gotten away with it, we would've lured him to the car and took him home with us. Burley was the shit. :) Anyhow, I now realize that we do not have big dogs. We've got two mediums and a small & fat. :)
I guess that's about all I've got for now, I'll keep you posted with pictures of "Mother Clucker & The Chicken Littles" and also of Doyle & Debbie Sue when we finally get our hands on them. We're going all rural route super star at 2492. Y'all better watch out, we might fuck around and get some rabbits next. :)
